1
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:11,244
( bell ringing )

2
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:15,949
whistle blowing )

3
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:31,698
( playing the blu)s

4
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,970
D-oh!

5
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,538
( screams )

6
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,356
Bart.

7
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:57,891
Bart!

8
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,192
Hey, Bart.

9
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:00,560
( snorting )

10
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,062
gasping for air )

11
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,064
Lisa! It's 6:00 a.m.

12
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,999
Something's wrong.

13
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,067
Dad died.

14
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,436
No, no, he's fine.

15
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:10,537
What do you know?

16
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:11,604
I'm relieved.

17
00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:13,740
Bart, my birthday's in two days.

18
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,341
I'm gonna be eight years old.

19
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:16,443
It's a big number--

20
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:17,744
almost double digits.

21
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,179
Enjoy it while you can.

22
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:21,514
Everything changes
when you hit the big 1-0.

23
00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:22,782
Your legs
start to go.

24
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:24,551
Candy doesn't taste
as good anymore..

25
00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:26,252
Will you please let me pour my
little heart out?

26
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,754
Sorry.

27
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,090
This old-timer does
ramble on sometimes, don't he?

28
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,193
I do so much for you
and yet you have disappointed me

29
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:34,794
on every one of my birthdays.
Okay.

30
00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:36,596
I've made things for you...

31
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,031
Okay, okay, okay!

32
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,032
It's done.
I'm doing it!

33
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:40,967
Birthday gift
coming your way!

34
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,569
Oh, thank you.

35
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,404
Bart, watch Maggie
while I get the laundry.

36
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:45,505
Can do.

37
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,475
Hmm, Krusty Hotline.

38
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,146
Hi, kids!

39
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:55,281
You've reached
the Krusty Hotline.

40
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,951
If you haven't asked
your parents' permission--

41
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,119
Naughty, naughty

42
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,887
but Krusty forgives you.

43
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,956
Two dollars
for the first minute

44
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,890
50 cents
for each additional minute.

45
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,359
( Krusty laughing hysterically)

46
00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:15,034
( laughter continues )

47
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:18,571
Thanks for calling, kids.

48
00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:20,240
A new message every day.

49
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,407
Maggie!

50
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:24,344
Bart, I asked you
to watch your sister.

51
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:27,013
I tried to stop her,
but she overpowered me.

52
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,182
Who stole my shirt?
Who stole my shirt?!

53
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:30,350
I washed it.

54
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,518
Thank you, Marge.

55
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:32,352
Ahh!

56
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:33,419
Pink?!

57
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:35,421
I can't wear
a pink shirt to work.

58
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:36,656
Everybody wears white shirts.

59
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,092
I'm not popular enough
to be different.

60
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:41,094
Now Homer, don't panic,
you have plenty
of white shirts.

61
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,529
Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.

62
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,364
Oh, no! Pink!

63
00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,332
Pink! Pink!

64
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,269
( sobbing: )
It's all over, Marge!

65
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,603
It's all over!

66
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,839
I don't know how this
could've happened.

67
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,440
Ah, my lucky red hat.

68
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,109
Clean as a whistle.

69
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,278
You! You did this to me!

70
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,113
I... apologize.

71
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,481
Oh please, no ones going
to notice

72
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,716
if you wear
a pink shirt to work.

73
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:07,053
Mr. Burns:
Wait a minute.

74
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,721
Go back.

75
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:10,290
Zoom in.

76
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,492
Why is that man
in pink?!

77
00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,228
That's Homer Simpson, sir--
He's one of your boob's
from Sector 7-G.

78
00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:17,363
Simpson, eh?
Judging by his
outlandish attire

79
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:20,400
he's some sort
of free-thinking anarchist.

80
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,235
I'll call security, sir.

81
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,403
Excellent.

82
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,038
Yes, these color monitors

83
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,973
have already paid
for themselves.

84
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:30,076
Man:
Pink! I don't get
the statement.

85
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:32,178
Shh.....

86
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:33,012
Hey, Homer.

87
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,314
we saved you a donut.

88
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,316
It has pifrosting.

89
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,517
( laughter )

90
00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:38,918
Thanks.

91
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,153
It looks...

92
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,221
Hey, wait a minute!

93
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,223
Just because I'm wearing
a pink shirt

94
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,759
doesn't mean I'm some kind
of a.. pink donut-eater.

95
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:48,428
Although it is tempting.

96
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,362
( smacks lips )

97
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:50,563
Drop that donut.

98
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:53,166
Let's go, pinky.

99
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,334
You don't understand.

100
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:58,404
My son just threw his red hat in
with the white laundry.

101
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,107
Spare me the tiresome antics
of the Simpson family.

102
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,508
Take him away.

103
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:05,245
His body cavity search
revealed nothing.

104
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,614
We must have X-rayed him
a hundred times.

105
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:09,382
Maybe he's telling the truth.

106
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:10,783
Or perhaps you two
are in cahoots.

107
00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:12,785
Smithers, I seem to recall
you had a penchant

108
00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:14,254
for bell-bottomed
trousers

109
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,288
back in '79.

110
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:18,057
That was my costume
for the plant production

111
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:19,025
of H.M.S. Pinafore.

112
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,226
Yes, of course.

113
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:22,695
Your spirited hornpipe
stole the show, as I recall.

114
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:24,297
Now doctor, what should we do

115
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,099
about our
free-wheeling fop
over here?

116
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,635
Well Monte, it used to be that
establishing a patient's sanity

117
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:29,736
took months.

118
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:30,570
That's all changed

119
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,572
thanks to the Marvin Monroe

120
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,574
Take-Home Personality Test.

121
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,976
20 simple questions
that will determine

122
00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:41,114
just how crazy
or "meshuggener" someone is.

123
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,482
"Print name."

124
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,617
Oh!

125
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:47,420
( humming )

126
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,322
Hmm.

127
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:51,324
Hmm!

128
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,260
Honey, do me a favor.

129
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:55,461
Fill out this form.

130
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,398
This is an intimate
psychological profile.

131
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,466
I can't fill this out
for you.

132
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,634
All right, all right.

133
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,169
I'll get Lisa to do it.

134
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:05,104
Lisa, you like homework.

135
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:06,839
Could you fill out
this form for me?

136
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:07,907
Well, all right...

137
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,575
if you listen to the
poem I just wrote.

138
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,311
D-ohh..! Okay.

139
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,347
"'Meditations on Turning Eight'
by Lisa Simpson.

140
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,449
"I had a cat named Snowball.

141
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:17,684
"She died, she died!

142
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,420
"Mom said she was sleeping.

143
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,455
"She lied, she lied!

144
00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:24,590
"Why, oh why, is my cat dead?

145
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:27,460
"Couldn't that Chrysler
hit me instead?

146
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,362
"I had a hamster named Snuffy.
He died.."

147
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:30,430
No deal.

148
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,198
Dad, maybe you should do this.

149
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:33,433
Son, it's no different

150
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,668
than the time
I let you vote for me.

151
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,437
Remember
that absentee ballot?

152
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:38,504
Oh, yeah.

153
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,941
Our $50,000 home video
finalists are:

154
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:44,377
"Man Breaking Hip..."

155
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,478
( man screami)g

156
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,146
"Dog on Fire."

157
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,982
Ruff! Anybody order a hot dog?

158
00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,352
( laughing )

159
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,686
Look at him!

160
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:56,556
...and finally,
"Baby with a Nail Gun."

161
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:57,457
( nail gun fires )

162
00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:00,360
It's time to
cast your votes now.

163
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,494
"Dog on Fire!"
"Dog on Fire!"

164
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:02,795
Hey Dad..Do you hear voices?

165
00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:05,832
Yes I'm hearing one now,
though I'm trying to watch TV.

166
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,633
Yes. Are you quick to anger?

167
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:10,002
Bart, shut up
or I'll shut you up!

168
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:12,004
Yes. Do you wet your pants?

169
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:16,709
Even the best of us
has an occasional accident.

170
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:17,910
Tsk, tsk, tsk.

171
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:20,046
So did I pass?

172
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,714
( laughin):
No.

173
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:22,815
Bart!

174
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:23,983
Careful, men.

175
00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:25,818
He wets his pants.

176
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,253
( siren blari)g

177
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,057
Uhh...

178
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,525
The devil with his fly open.

179
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:33,893
Right.

180
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:35,695
That's a spill on the floor

181
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:36,996
with bugs going after it.

182
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:37,930
They're gonna eat it.

183
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,499
Good.

184
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:40,500
The boy!

185
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,667
This isn't fair!

186
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,503
How can you tell
who's sane

187
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:44,937
and who's insane?

188
00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:46,939
We have a very simple method.

189
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,177
Whoever has that stamp
on his hand is insane.

190
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:54,080
Guard:
Put him in with
the big white guy

191
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,849
who thinks
he's the little black guy.

192
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,123
Who are you?

193
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,892
Hi, I'm Michael Jackson
from The Jacksons.

194
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,594
I'm Homer Simpson
from the Simpsons.

195
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,467
I can't believe
you never heard of me.

196
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:15,768
I'm a very popular entertainer.

197
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,738
Of course,
I've heard of you.

198
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,873
You'd have to be
living under a rock
not to know--

199
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:21,707
What'd you say your name was?

200
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:22,742
Michael Jackson.

201
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:23,910
Doesn't ring a bell.

202
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:24,911
Heard of MTV or Motown?

203
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:25,745
No.

204
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:26,579
"Beat It"?

205
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:27,413
You beat it.

206
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,247
"Thriller"?

207
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:29,081
What was that last one?

208
00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:29,916
"Thriller."
No.

209
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:30,750
How about this?

210
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,619
♪ Billy Jean is not my lover ♪

211
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:38,324
♪ She's just a girl
who says that I am the one ♪

212
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:42,328
♪ But the kid is not my son ♪

213
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:43,729
♪ Hee-hee-hee. ♪

214
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:44,730
Wow!

215
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,666
How do do that thing
with your feet ?

216
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:47,733
The moonwalk?

217
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,068
No, that thing
with your feet!

218
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:50,803
Here, look.
Just raise your heel a bit.

219
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,840
Put a little pressure
on the ball of your foot.

220
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:54,674
Uh-huh.

221
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:55,842
Huh?

222
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,009
D-ohh!

223
00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:58,344
( laughing )

224
00:07:58,344 --> 00:07:59,946
You seem like a nice guy.

225
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,481
Why'd they
put you in here?

226
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,149
'Cause I wore a pink shirt.

227
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,350
I understand.

228
00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:06,185
People thought I was crazy for
the way I dressed.

229
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:07,086
What did you wear?

230
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,154
One white glove

231
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,622
covered with rhinestones.

232
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:11,824
( nonsensical blubbering )

233
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,392
♪ ...and Scratchy Show! ♪

234
00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:32,612
( laughing )

235
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,114
Bart, in the split second
before he died

236
00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,884
I bet Scratchy appreciated
his birthday present.

237
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:38,985
Do you see how this relates
to us?

238
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,287
Hey, you want that once-a-year
empty gesture?

239
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,522
You got it, sis.

240
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,859
Homer:
Hey, Michael,
I don't get it.

241
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,529
These guys
seem as normal
as you and me.

242
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,897
Homer, this is Floyd.

243
00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:52,365
He's an idiot savant.

244
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,967
Give him any two numbers
and he can multiply them

245
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,869
in his head
just like that.

246
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:57,803
Okay. Five times nine.

247
00:08:57,803 --> 00:08:58,638
Forty-five.

248
00:08:58,638 --> 00:08:59,939
Wow!

249
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,974
We call this guy 'The Chief.'

250
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:04,243
He's been here
since 1968.

251
00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:06,479
Never says a word.
Never moves a muscle.

252
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,313
Hey, Chief.

253
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:08,381
Hello.

254
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,751
It's about time
somebody reach out to me.

255
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:15,087
Gee, I got to call my family.

256
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:19,592
This is embarrassing
calling them from a nut house.

257
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:20,927
They think I'm a God.

258
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,228
I could call them for you.

259
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,597
Oh, great. And uh,
try to put a good face on this.

260
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:25,898
Tell them this is
one of those places

261
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,100
where rich women
lose weight.

262
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,535
( ringing )

263
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,504
Joe's Crematorium--
you kill 'em, we grill 'em.

264
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,872
Hello. Who is this?

265
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,941
Bart Simpson.
Who the hell are you?

266
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:35,908
I'm Michael Jackson.

267
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:36,909
The Michael Jackson?

268
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,444
No way.

269
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:40,913
It's true. I'm with your
father in a mental institution.

270
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,415
Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?

271
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,716
He could be.

272
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:45,585
- It's a big hospital.
- Aw, come on.

273
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,553
If you're really Michael Jackson

274
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:50,022
who were your last four
dates for the Grammys?

275
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:52,391
Brooke Shields, Diana Ross,
Emmanuel Lewis and Bubbles.

276
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,459
Shiver me timbers!

277
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:55,227
Yare Michael Jackson!

278
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:57,697
Can you stay on the line
while I'll get all
my friends and relatives?

279
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:58,598
I'm afraid not, Bart.

280
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,633
Your father really needs
your help.

281
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:03,569
You don't want him
to get a lobotomy, do you?

282
00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:05,137
Hmm... lobotomy.

283
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,943
That's all right, son.

284
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:14,246
There's probably a downside
I don't see.

285
00:10:14,246 --> 00:10:15,381
Uh-huh.

286
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:16,882
New Bedlam Asylum.

287
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:17,783
Loves us.

288
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,884
Needs us.

289
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,153
Fears he may never see us again.
Got it.

290
00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:22,989
Michael Jackson, whoo-hoo!

291
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,256
I love you, man.

292
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:25,625
Hey, Mom...

293
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,094
Dad's in a mental
institution.

294
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:28,961
Oh, my God.

295
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,463
Mother
was right.

296
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,832
( Bart hums "Beat It" )

297
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,000
Now Homer,
don't you worry.

298
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,502
Your family will
be here before
you know it.

299
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,738
Forget it pal.
There's only one way out of here
and it ain't pretty.

300
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:39,672
What's that?

301
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:41,340
Dating a
nurse.
Ohhh.

302
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:44,510
I told you kids you were
going to send your father
to the crazy house.

303
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:46,012
No Mom, you said poor house.

304
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,647
I said crazy house!

305
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,481
Poor house.

306
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,315
Crazy house!

307
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,149
Poor house.

308
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:50,983
Crazy house!

309
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,118
Man:
Hello, you've reached

310
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:55,187
the New Bedlam
wrongly-committed hotline.

311
00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:56,989
All our operators
are currently busy.

312
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,190
Please stay on the line.

313
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,993
♪ Crazy ♪

314
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,295
♪ Crazy for feeling... ♪
sobbing )

315
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:05,031
( sobbing )

316
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,966
What's wrong, Homer?

317
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,335
This place
is so strange.

318
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:13,139
Mike, I'm ashamed
to admit it to another guy

319
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:16,976
but I'm... scared.

320
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,011
We all get scared
once in awhile.

321
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,946
Maybe I can help you.

322
00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:26,852
♪ Homer, the two of us
need look no more ♪

323
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:32,858
♪ We both found
what we were looking for ♪

324
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:36,896
♪ With a friend to call my own ♪

325
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,899
♪ I'll never be alone ♪

326
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,069
♪ And you my friend will see ♪

327
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:47,306
♪ You've got a friend in me. ♪

328
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:49,375
( mumblin):
Hot cakes...

329
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,876
Football...

330
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,912
Boobies...

331
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,514
Bubbles,
it's going to be a long night.

332
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:56,615
Waffles...

333
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,487
Please, feel free to
express yourselves.

334
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:06,592
In these sessions, we want you
to feel relaxed and uninhibited.

335
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:09,028
Okay, so I was working
at an insurance company, right?

336
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,731
Youngest V.P. in the history
of the firm.

337
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,666
The job was my life.

338
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,736
Then, one Monday morning, I got
up, I couldn't leave the house.

339
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,570
I just couldn't.

340
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,738
Was the door locked?

341
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,005
No. I just couldn't face
what was out there.

342
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:20,873
Was it raining?

343
00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:21,707
No, Homer

344
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,276
Dave suffers
from agoraphobia--

345
00:12:24,276 --> 00:12:26,445
a fear of open areas
and crowds.

346
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:27,880
Please Dave, go on.

347
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,417
Anyway, that day I knew
I just couldn't make
that long drive to work.

348
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,918
Were you out of gas?

349
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,788
( snorts: )
Baby.

350
00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:38,891
I'm sorry, but your husband
suffers from a persecution
complex

351
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:42,428
extreme paranoia
and bladder hostility.

352
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:46,465
If you just talk to him
for five minutes without
mentioning our son Bart

353
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:47,633
you'd see how sane he is.

354
00:12:47,633 --> 00:12:50,469
You mean there really is
a Bart? Good Lord!

355
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,938
Mmm, pancakes.

356
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:55,441
Doctor:
Oh, Mr. Simpson,
you've got a visitor.

357
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,342
D-ohh!

358
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:58,210
Marge!

359
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,146
Oh, Homey!

360
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,920
Mr. Simpson, after talking to
your wife

361
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,389
we believe you're no threat
to yourself or others.

362
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:12,558
That's the most flattering thing
anyone ever said to me.

363
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,260
Could I have it
in writing, please?

364
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,294
Of course.

365
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:18,297
Homer:
"Not insane."

366
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:19,331
Hmm.

367
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:20,933
I'm proud of you, Homer.

368
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,736
Thanks a lot Michael,
you really helped me
get through this.

369
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,438
If you ever find your marbles,
come visit us.

370
00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:28,974
How about today?
I'm only here voluntarily.

371
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,075
You are? Why?

372
00:13:30,075 --> 00:13:31,977
Well back in 1979, I got real
depressed

373
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,813
when Off the Wall    album

374
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:36,081
just got one lousy
Grammy nomination.

375
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:42,254
♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

376
00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:46,859
♪ Happy birthday,
( voice breaking )
overlooked middle child ♪

377
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:50,296
♪ Happy birthday to me. ♪

378
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,865
( crying )

379
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,767
( horn screeching )

380
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:55,868
( ringing )

381
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:58,504
Joe's Taxidermy.
You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em.

382
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,272
Boy, when I get home

383
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:02,975
I'm going to wrap my hands
around your neck...

384
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,010
and smother you
with kisses.

385
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,947
Homer, whatever they got you on,
cut the dose.

386
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,982
Now listen, I'm bringing
Michael Jackson home

387
00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:11,650
to stay with us for a few days.

388
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:13,986
Isn't that cute?
He's heard of you.

389
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:17,656
Make sure we have plenty of
cold cuts, and put some
beer on ice...

390
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:19,892
I'm a vegetarian
and I don't drink.

391
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:22,695
Are you sure
you're here voluntarily?

392
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,662
Yes.

393
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:24,897
Please make sure

394
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:26,799
he doesn't tell anybody
I'm coming.

395
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,068
Yes, Dad, I solemnly swear

396
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:31,670
I will not tell
another living soul--

397
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:33,439
No, not even Milhouse.

398
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,010
Huh?

399
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:39,345
( grunting )

400
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,179
Hello, Milhouse?

401
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:41,046
Can you keep a secret?

402
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,047
No.

403
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,749
Oh well, who cares?
Michael Jackson

404
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:44,884
is coming to my house!

405
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:49,321
Michael Jackson?!

406
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:51,056
Aunt Bella?! Wait a minute.

407
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,092
I got a call on the other line.

408
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:58,230
Michael Jackson?!

409
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,765
All:
Michael Jackson?!

410
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:01,233
Michael Jackson?!

411
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,168
Disk jockey:
We've just been handed a
bulletin from

412
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,870
our rock 'n' rumor
department...

413
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,706
Disk Jockey #2:
Michael Jackson,
the thriller himself,

414
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:10,442
is moonwalking
his way right here to
our very own Springfield.

415
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:11,510
Disk jockey:
And while we check it out

416
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,913
Why don't you enjoy
a seldom-heard

417
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,916
extra-long version
of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

418
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,284
Michael Jackson!

419
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:21,220
Such a thing happens
once in a blue moon.

420
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,255
Do I dare to leave my post?

421
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,695
( helicopter approaching )

422
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:31,830
Ay, caramba!

423
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:36,368
Uh, this is
the most exciting thing

424
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:38,604
to happen to our fair town

425
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:42,207
since the Dalai Lama visited
in 1952

426
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:45,044
and so, I hereby declare
that Route 401

427
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:48,213
currently known
as the Dalai Lama Expressway

428
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:52,318
will henceforth be known as
the Michael Jackson Expressway.

429
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,119
I think I can see him.

430
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,322
Oh, here he comes. Oh!

431
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:59,124
crowd murmuring )

432
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:02,661
The guy in the pink shirt
is the father of the family

433
00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:05,731
who it turns out,
was just released
from a mental hospital.

434
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,167
Thanks, everybody.
It's great to be sane.

435
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,635
Crowd:
We want Michael!

436
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,271
We want Michael!

437
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:13,138
Here he is.

438
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,974
Here's the guy

439
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,675
you want to see!

440
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:17,576
Aahh!

441
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:22,781
Huh? Huh?

442
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,016
He's 300 pounds.

443
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,250
He's white.

444
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,119
He's dressed without flair.

445
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:31,357
( crowd booing )

446
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:32,691
Mayor:
What the hell made me think

447
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:35,461
Michael Jackson would even visit
this jerkwater burg?

448
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,496
You owe us
Michael Jackson.

449
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,667
Don't ever show your face
around here again, you tool.

450
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:46,638
Bart, the entire town
is howling for your blood

451
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:49,942
and before I join them,
I have one question.

452
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,944
Today is my birthday.

453
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,014
You promised
you'd get me something and...

454
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,116
and I'm afraid to ask.

455
00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:00,386
Maybe you should trust
that instinct and not ask.

456
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,154
I thought so.

457
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:04,623
Oh, Bart, you...

458
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:07,192
( crying )

459
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,628
( door slams )

460
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,330
( growling )

461
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,198
Come off!

462
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,900
I'm sane now.

463
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,504
Dear Bart:

464
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,507
I am using the stationery
Mom and Dad gave me

465
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,008
for my birthday

466
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:27,046
to inform you that we are now
brother and sister in name only.

467
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,748
Perhaps,
if a professional so advises

468
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,483
I will give you a hug

469
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:33,986
at some far distant
family reunion

470
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,189
but rest assured,
it will be purely for show.

471
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,091
( crying )

472
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:42,261
Tsk, tsk, tsk.

473
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:44,830
Hey, Bart.

474
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:46,198
Hey, you.

475
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,033
Bart, when I was a kid,
I didn't have much money.

476
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,203
So you know what I did
when my sisters' birthdays
rolled around?

477
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:55,407
No. I wrote them a song
to show that I cared.

478
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:58,010
I can't write a song.
I'm only ten.

479
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:01,113
Only ten? When I was your age
I had six gold records.

480
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:04,750
Hey, Looney Tunes, this is
what Michael Jackson looks like.

481
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,386
You look like
a big, fat mental patient.

482
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:08,887
You'd be amazed how
often I hear that.

483
00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:10,422
Just leave me alone.

484
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,424
Look boy, either Michael Jackson
is some guy working

485
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,626
in a recording studio in L.A.

486
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:17,062
or he's here with you
willing to work on this song.

487
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,464
It's your choice.

488
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,132
So long.

489
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,468
Wait, wait, Michael!

490
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:26,071
You go sit at the piano
and I'll boil some coffee.

491
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,874
( singing to theme from
Bridge on the River Kwai )

492
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:31,877
♪ Lisa, her teeth
are big and green ♪

493
00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:34,880
♪ Lisa, she smells
like gasoline ♪

494
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,249
♪ Lisa, da-da-da disa ♪

495
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,251
♪ She is my sist-a ♪

496
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,787
♪ Her birthday, I missed-a. ♪

497
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,088
Uh, no.

498
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:45,057
Bart, we've got to get

499
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,960
to your real feelings
about your sister.

500
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,128
I don't have any.

501
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,762
Let's go look at her.

502
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,097
Maybe that will help.

503
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,833
Oh, she looks sad.

504
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:56,902
That's 'cause she knows
you're looking at her.

505
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,437
Although I'm aware you're
looking at me,

506
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:02,174
I would look exactly the same
even if you weren't.

507
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:05,077
( piano playing soft jazzy pop)

508
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,146
Bart, think.

509
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,114
What happens to you

510
00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:11,016
when you turn eight?

511
00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:14,086
Well, your training wheels
come off your bike.

512
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,254
Good. That's good.

513
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:18,090
♪ The training wheels
come off your bike ♪

514
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:20,692
♪ You start to notice
boys you like... ♪

515
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:22,361
♪ Uh-hee-hee-hee... ♪

516
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:23,795
You're just
putting that in

517
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:25,564
because it's commercial.

518
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,737
( whistli)g

519
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:34,907
( groaning )

520
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:45,751
Lisa.
Lisa.

521
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,187
( snorting )

522
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,955
( coughing )

523
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,024
What, Bart? It's 6:00 a.m.

524
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,392
That's right.

525
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:55,594
Hope you like
your present.

526
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,632
And a-one and a-two
and a-one, two, three, four.

527
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,467
( bongo sounds )

528
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:04,303
( humming )

529
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,738
playing soft pop    )

530
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:10,142
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

531
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:13,078
♪ God bless you this day ♪

532
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:16,582
♪ You gave me the gift
of a little sister ♪

533
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:19,551
♪ And I'm proud of you today ♪

534
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:23,088
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

535
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:26,225
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪

536
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,528
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

537
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:32,497
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪

538
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:35,701
♪ I wish you love and goodwill ♪

539
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:38,904
♪ I wish you praise and joy ♪

540
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:42,174
♪ I wish you better
than your heart desires ♪

541
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,344
♪ And your first kiss
from a boy ♪

542
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:48,714
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

543
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,950
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪

544
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:55,120
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

545
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,423
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa.♪

546
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:01,727
Yeah!

547
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,796
Oh, this is
the best present I ever got!

548
00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:07,032
Thank you Bart.
Thank you Michael.

549
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:08,634
( deep east coast accent: )
Well, my work is done here.

550
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,435
Hey Michael, what happened
to your voice?

551
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,371
This is my real voice.

552
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:13,872
My name is Leon Compowski.

553
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:16,241
and I'm a bricklayer
from Patterson, New Jersey.

554
00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:18,577
All my life I was very angry,
until one day

555
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:20,612
Michael's voice:    )
I just talked like this.

556
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,281
( Leon's voic):
All of a sudden

557
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,384
everybody was smiling at me
and I was only doin' good on
this Earth.

558
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:27,286
So, I kept on doing it.

559
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,555
To make a tired point,
which one of us is truly crazy?

560
00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:32,824
Not me. I got this.

561
00:21:32,824 --> 00:21:34,459
Marge:
Bye-bye, Leon.

562
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,995
Lisa:
You're a credit to dementia.

563
00:21:36,995 --> 00:21:39,998
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

564
00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:42,301
♪ God bless you this day ♪

565
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,469
♪ You gave me the gift
of do-do-do, do-do-do ♪

566
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:48,240
♪ and I'm proud
of you today... ♪

567
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,310
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

568
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,346
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪

569
00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:58,016
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

570
00:21:58,016 --> 00:22:00,485
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪

571
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:03,622
♪ I wish you love
and goodness... ♪

572
00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:07,192
Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation

573
00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:10,429
♪ I wish you better
than your heart desires ♪

574
00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:13,498
♪ And your first kiss
from a boy ♪

575
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:16,702
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

576
00:22:16,702 --> 00:22:20,439
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪

577
00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:22,341
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday... ♪

578
00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,846
Bart:
Take it away, Lise.

579
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:33,352
( saxophone playi)g

580
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:44,429
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪

581
00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:49,401
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa. ♪

582
00:22:51,169 --> 00:22:52,070
Michael:
Whoo!

583
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:52,971
Shh!