1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,973 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,394 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,418 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,464 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,180 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,893 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,270 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,292 {\an8}(engine revving) 14 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,095 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Hey, Lance Murdock, 15 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,680 {\an8}you just jumped 16 blazing school buses. 16 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,808 {\an8}What are you going to do now? 17 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,852 {\an8}(groaning) I'm going to Duff Gardens. 18 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:47,273 {\an8}Duff Gardens-- home of the whiplash. 19 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:50,610 {\an8}To be completed in 1994. 20 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:51,611 {\an8}(Lance groaning) 21 00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,238 {\an8}(screaming) 22 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,116 {\an8}(all screaming) 23 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,576 {\an8}And the washing machine. 24 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,787 {\an8}(choking, gasping) 25 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,372 {\an8}ALL: Wow! 26 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,209 {\an8}See the happiest fish in the world 27 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,670 {\an8}at our fabulous Beer-quarium. 28 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,803 {\an8}(moaning) 29 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,806 {\an8}(belches) 30 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,516 {\an8}Bart, warm up the car. 31 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,518 {\an8}We're going to Duff Gardens. 32 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,228 {\an8}BOTH: Yay! 33 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,772 {\an8}Now, what do we say when we get to the ticket booth? 34 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,315 BOTH: We're under six. 35 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,776 And I'm a college student. 36 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,736 Kids, I have some bad news. 37 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,574 Your Great-Aunt Gladys has... passed on. 38 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:40,160 Gladys, Gladys... 39 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:43,329 about yea high, blue hair, big dent in her forehead? 40 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,249 No, honey, Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty. 41 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,293 (shuddering) 42 00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,795 Oh, yeah, there she is. 43 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,714 The funeral's in Littleneck Falls. 44 00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:55,717 Looks like we'll have to go to Duff Gardens another time. 45 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,468 We understand. 46 00:02:57,552 --> 00:02:59,137 No use complaining about something you can't change. 47 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,348 But I want to go to Duff Gardens right now! 48 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,267 Oh, Homer, quit pouting. 49 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,311 (whines) I'm not pouting. 50 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,812 I'm mourning. 51 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,522 Stupid dead woman. 52 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,900 ♪ On top of spaghetti ♪ 53 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,651 ♪ All covered with cheese ♪ 54 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,945 ♪ I lost my poor meatball ♪ 55 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,907 If you don't mind, we're on our way to a funeral. 56 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,034 ♪ Ding dong, the witch is dead ♪ 57 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:22,202 ♪ Which old witch? ♪ 58 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,369 ♪ The wicked witch ♪ 59 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,329 Homer! 60 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,420 Patty, Selma, I'm sorry. 61 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,756 He's hugging us. What do we do? 62 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,592 Just close your eyes and think of MacGyver. 63 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:38,968 (grunting) 64 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:44,057 Hey, Homer, this luggage is crushing me. 65 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,601 Hey, you don't hear Lisa complaining. 66 00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:48,603 (muffled groan) 67 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:57,195 I can't believe Auntie Gladys is really gone. 68 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,781 Her legend will live forever. 69 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:03,117 Yeah, the legend of the dog-faced woman. 70 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,619 (laughing) 71 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:07,497 Legend of the dog-faced woman. 72 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,873 Oh, that's good. 73 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,333 Homer, that's very rude of you. 74 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,168 What? D'ohhh! 75 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,337 Could we please stop somewhere? 76 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,380 My butt's asleep. 77 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,054 (slurping and chewing) 78 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,270 All right, I'm almost there. 79 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,521 Ohhh! 80 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,776 Another place mat, sir? 81 00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,069 Please. 82 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,446 While we're waiting for our pie, 83 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,825 let's take a minute to remember Great-Aunt Gladys. 84 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:57,005 Hmm, wait a minute. That was "Prince of Tides." 85 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,381 Five... 86 00:04:58,464 --> 00:04:59,799 six... 87 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,050 seven... 88 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,343 eight... 89 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,594 What are you playing? 90 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,930 -Counting game. -That's nice. 91 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,056 Nine... 92 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,142 ten... 93 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,228 {\an8}MINISTER: He was a good man. 94 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,771 He was a kind man. 95 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,481 He gave to his community 96 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,359 and asked little in return. He never-- 97 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,819 (whispering) 98 00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:21,446 That's a woman? 99 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,323 Dear Lord! 100 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,907 (laughs nervously) 101 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,328 Uh, well... I guess most of what I said can be salvaged. 102 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,413 Take a seat, bozo. 103 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,458 And that eulogy better not show up on the bill. 104 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,251 I'll keep this short. 105 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,587 Gladys lived alone, died alone. 106 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,674 I guess you could say she was a role model for Selma and me. 107 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,885 She wasn't a rich woman... 108 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,470 (grumbling) 109 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,056 ...but she was rich in spirit. 110 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,515 Forgot my hat. 111 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,941 Don't hassle the dead, boy. 112 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,402 They have eerie powers. 113 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,321 (snorts) 114 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,948 I thought this thing was gonna be catered. 115 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,951 Boy, am I hungry. 116 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,954 I mean, I'm really, really hungry. 117 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,415 It's just not fair, damn it! 118 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,417 (sobbing) 119 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,378 Oh... 120 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:23,716 Good-bye, Great-Aunt Gladys. 121 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,010 I wish I'd made more of an effort 122 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,513 to get to know you these last few years. 123 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:31,224 (raspy voice) Don't worry about it. 124 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,017 (screaming) 125 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:36,104 (laughs malevolently) 126 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:41,818 I'm Lionel Hutz, executor of Ms. Bouvier's estate. 127 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,361 She left a video will, 128 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:47,115 so I earn my fee simply by pressing this "play" button. 129 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,908 Pretty sweet, eh? 130 00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,619 I would like to start by reading a passage 131 00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,329 from Robert Frost. 132 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,624 "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and..." 133 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,418 (tape fast forwarding) 134 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,002 Homer! 135 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,046 All in favor of skipping the poem? 136 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,216 Thank you. 137 00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:09,220 "...and that has made all the difference." 138 00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:12,306 Now, let's get down to business. 139 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,392 LIONEL HUTZ'S VOICE: To my executor, Lionel Hutz, 140 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,894 I leave $50,000. 141 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,604 Mr. Hutz! 142 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,941 You'd be surprised how often that works, you really would. 143 00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:24,318 To Marge, I leave my collection of 144 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,863 potato chips that resemble celebrities. 145 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,573 They're all here. 146 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,741 Otto von Bismarck, Maurice Chevalier, 147 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,577 right up to Jay Leno. 148 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,912 These chips were my children, Margery. 149 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,914 Take special care of them. 150 00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,794 Uh-oh. 151 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,215 To my sister, Jackie, 152 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,217 I leave my pet iguana, Jubjub. 153 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,178 Why didn't she just leave me 154 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,263 the bowel obstruction that killed her? 155 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:55,850 To my dear childless nieces, Patty and Selma, 156 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:59,437 I leave my grandfather clock and these words: 157 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,856 Don't die lonely like me. 158 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,901 Raise a family, and do it now. 159 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,068 Now! 160 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,278 Now! 161 00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,738 Now!!! 162 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,866 Hey, a grandfather clock. Not bad. 163 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,077 (clock tolling and ticking) 164 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,504 (snoring) 165 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,005 Aunt Gladys was right. 166 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,673 There's something missing in our lives. 167 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,258 Don't worry. 168 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,636 We'll get that barking dog record tomorrow. 169 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:35,515 Patty... I want a baby. 170 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:50,947 What do I do here? 171 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,949 Just tell us about yourself. 172 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:56,827 Well... I want to have a baby before it's too late. 173 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,372 You're looking at a free lunch, boys. 174 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,374 Come and get it. 175 00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:03,334 (amorous growling) 176 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:09,924 Ach! Back to the loch with you, Nessie. 177 00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:13,844 One drop of this love potion, 178 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:18,516 and you will have any man you desire. 179 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:19,600 Really? 180 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,561 What are the magical ingredients? 181 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,688 Mostly corn syrup, a little rubbing alcohol. 182 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,356 You'll be lucky if it doesn't 183 00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:26,899 make your hair fall out, actually. 184 00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,236 (grunting) 185 00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:34,991 Paper or plastic? 186 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,410 You decide. 187 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,996 So, wearing a belt, are you? 188 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:40,997 Yep. 189 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,665 No suspenders for you. 190 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,750 I guess not. 191 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,711 Orange is really your color. 192 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,296 They make us wear this. 193 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,632 Shall we continue this conversation over dinner? 194 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,884 Uh... I'm not allowed to date customers. 195 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,303 It's store policy. 196 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,470 No, it isn't. 197 00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,639 -Ow! -shut up, Arnold. 198 00:09:58,723 --> 00:09:59,849 No, go for it, man. 199 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,809 "R," 200 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,561 "Q," 201 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:04,729 "J," 202 00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,857 question mark. 203 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,108 Smiley face. 204 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,153 SELMA: Next! 205 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:13,487 Wait a minute. 206 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,865 It says here you're single. 207 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,908 Did I do wrong? 208 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:23,831 Combed, biscuits, chicken, 209 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:26,959 yellow, mailman... 210 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,128 You're reading the wine list, sir. 211 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,171 Very good. 212 00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:35,843 {\an8}I don't know how to thank you for dinner. 213 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:38,387 Use your imagination. 214 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,728 (childish chatter) 215 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,856 (child screaming) 216 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:49,815 (thudding) 217 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,695 Ehh! 218 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:56,447 Get out of my car. 219 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,327 This isn't my house. 220 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,537 Come to Duff Gardens 221 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,540 where roaming gangs aren't a big problem anymore. 222 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:09,210 Now featuring the clean-shaven sounds 223 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:11,504 of Hooray for Everything. 224 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:12,672 ALL: Hey, kids, 225 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,465 take a walk on the wild side. 226 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,133 And all the races sing: 227 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,511 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, shoo-bee doobee doo ♪ 228 00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,845 ♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪ 229 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,972 ♪ Shoo-bee doobee doo, yeah! ♪ 230 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,974 {\an8}Can we go to Duff Gardens this weekend? 231 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:27,103 Sure... unless another aunt dies. 232 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,479 (door closes) 233 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:30,356 Selma, your date's over already? 234 00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:33,109 Yeah. I was so depressed, 235 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,070 I ate a jar of expired olives. 236 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,405 (sighs) 237 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,281 I guess I'll never have a baby. 238 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,409 Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, 239 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,911 but have you ever considered artificial insemination? 240 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,747 Boy, I don't know. 241 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,499 You've got to be pretty desperate 242 00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:50,167 to make it with a robot. 243 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,961 (whispering) 244 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,464 I knew that. 245 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,924 How do I know I'm getting quality? 246 00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,634 Don't worry. 247 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,345 Our donors have to pass a rigorous screening process. 248 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,097 All done. 249 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,807 Thank you. 250 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,308 Always a pleasure. 251 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,102 What a beautiful little girl. 252 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:09,186 (belches like Barney) 253 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,355 (babies belching like Barney) 254 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:14,525 (belching continues) 255 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,361 MARGE: "101 Frozen Pops." 256 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,822 A Nobel Prize winner. 257 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,366 An NBA all-star. 258 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:26,203 Ooh, one of the Sweathogs. 259 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,955 I checked. It's not Horshack. 260 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:29,832 (groans) 261 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:32,960 Are you sure you want to have a baby this way? 262 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,588 Yeah, you've had some pretty bad experiences 263 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,173 ordering out of catalogs. 264 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,133 Remember that mail-order husband? 265 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:40,843 (knock at door) 266 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,682 Ooh, you look just like your picture. 267 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,392 Sorry, my mind's made up. 268 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,436 I want to have a kid, 269 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,271 and this is the only way I can do it. 270 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,440 Why do you want to have a baby so bad? 271 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,984 I got a lot of love to give, 272 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,445 and right now my only outlet 273 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,238 is my ham radio. 274 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,908 {\an8}(man speaking foreign language) 275 00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,868 Are you sure you've thought this through? 276 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,953 A child can really change your life. 277 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,663 You'll have to give up smoking. 278 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,957 -I'll chew. -No man will want you. 279 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:15,252 All I got now is sperm in a cup. 280 00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,630 (both groaning) 281 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:20,883 BART/LISA: Get up! Get up! 282 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,676 Time to go to Duff Gardens. 283 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,886 Mom! Mom! 284 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,763 We want to go to Duff Gardens! 285 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,725 Oh, great. Dad's dead. 286 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,895 (moaning) 287 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:36,732 Oh, have you been eating that sandwich again? 288 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,943 Sand... wich. 289 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,781 Geez, we hardly made a dent in that ten-foot hoagie. 290 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,658 I'll give it a good home. 291 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,870 You've been eating that thing for a week. 292 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,122 I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn. 293 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,792 Two more feet, and I can fit it in the fridge. 294 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,503 Homer, I found this behind the radiator. 295 00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,463 I really think you should throw it away. 296 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,382 Suggestion noted. 297 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:07,763 Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment. 298 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,474 Are you going to eat it? 299 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,600 Yes. 300 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,311 Aww! 301 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,647 You look terrible. 302 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:17,731 I don't care. 303 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,900 I'm going to Duff Gardens. 304 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,570 (thud) 305 00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,741 S-s-so cold. 306 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,743 Your lips are turning blue. 307 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,954 I think you better stay home. 308 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,581 No! 309 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,625 Duff Gardens! Hurrah! 310 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,294 (horn blaring) 311 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,796 We really appreciate you taking the children 312 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,590 on such short notice. 313 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,508 We'll have fun, won't we, kids? 314 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,469 To get to Duff Gardens, I'd ride with Satan himself. 315 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,721 That's the spirit. 316 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,014 See you tonight. 317 00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,640 Good-bye, Dad. 318 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,725 Don't eat any solids. 319 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:54,518 But I love solids. 320 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,937 It won't be any fun without you, Dad. 321 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,356 BOTH: Yayyy! 322 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,610 This is all your fault! 323 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:06,780 I-- Oh, how can I stay mad at you? 324 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:07,990 Mmm! 325 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,283 Ooh... 326 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,373 There it is! 327 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,500 The Duff beeramid. 328 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,880 "The beeramid contains so much aluminum 329 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:25,341 "it would take five men to lift it. 330 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:28,886 22 immigrant laborers died during its construction." 331 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,138 Ah, plenty more where that came from. 332 00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:34,642 ♪♪ (theme park music) 333 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,644 Look! It's the seven Duffs! 334 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:37,978 BART: There's Tipsy. 335 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,355 And there's Queasy. 336 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,397 LISA: There's Surly. 337 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,440 And Remorseful. 338 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:42,858 Hey. 339 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,152 Take a picture-- it'll last longer. 340 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:46,362 Get out of here. 341 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,618 Four score and seven years ago, 342 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,370 we took the finest hops and barley 343 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:57,289 to brew a refreshing, full-bodied lager. 344 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,668 Ahhh. 345 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,628 (beat boxing) 346 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,588 Well... 347 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,840 ♪ I'm rappin' A.B., and I'm here to say ♪ 348 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,051 ♪ If you want to drink beer, Duff's the only way ♪ 349 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:10,803 ♪ I said, the only way ♪ 350 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,889 ♪ Break down ♪ 351 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,933 This is a disgrace. 352 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:18,060 Settle down. 353 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:19,812 Anything this bad has to be educational. 354 00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,355 Bart! 355 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,649 Let's see if they wore underwear back then. 356 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,318 Yeah! 357 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,153 Do you feel any better? 358 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,072 No. 359 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,824 What are the odds of getting sick on a Saturday? 360 00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,367 A thousand to one. 361 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,036 To cheer you up, I rented a couple of videos. 362 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,706 "Boxing's Greatest Weigh-Ins" and "Yentl." 363 00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,708 "Yentl"? What's that? 364 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,418 It deals with a bookish young woman's efforts 365 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,211 to enter rabbinical school. 366 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,671 Sounds great! 367 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,674 Oh, my God, you're delirious. 368 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,676 Hmm... 369 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,930 (Bart reading) 370 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,185 Wow! 371 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,646 You're charming the pants off of me. 372 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,773 What did you say, Aunt Selma? 373 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,608 I said take off those damn glasses! 374 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:09,445 Ooh, this looks like fun. 375 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,030 A bench. 376 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,574 Kids, what do you say you go get your Aunt Selma 377 00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:15,075 a beer smoothie? 378 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:18,078 BOTH: No, come on, Aunt Selma, we got to go. 379 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,748 Come on, let's have fun! 380 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,919 (groaning) 381 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,839 Hey, man, if the line's this long, it's got to be good. 382 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,177 Get bent. 383 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,387 MAN (on TV): What's going on here? 384 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,140 Oh, Yentl. I might have known. 385 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:41,226 That Yentl puts the "she" in yeshiva. 386 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,687 Hmm, well, you've cooled down. 387 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,272 That's what you think. 388 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,815 (growling) 389 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,067 (chuckling) 390 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,444 You know, I rented another tape 391 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,404 in case you felt better. 392 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,949 "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules." 393 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,951 With Norman Fell as Zeus. 394 00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,328 Whoo-hoo! 395 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,121 ♪ Duff beer for me ♪ 396 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,123 ♪ Duff beer for you ♪ 397 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,125 ♪ I'll have a Duff ♪ 398 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,127 ♪ You have one, too ♪ 399 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,921 ♪ Duff beer for me ♪ 400 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,923 ♪ Duff beer for you ♪ 401 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,633 ♪ I'll have a Duff ♪ 402 00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:14,510 ♪ You have one, too ♪ 403 00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,637 ♪ Duff beer for me ♪ 404 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,721 ♪ Duff beer for you... ♪ 405 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,723 I want to get off. 406 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,100 You can't get off. 407 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,810 We have five more continents to visit. 408 00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:25,479 Hey, Lis, I dare you to drink the water. 409 00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,898 I'm not sure that is water. 410 00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,066 Chicken. 411 00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,734 (clucking) 412 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:31,944 Quit it, Bart. 413 00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,070 Quit it! 414 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,571 Quit it! Quit it! 415 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,614 Bart, be quiet. 416 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,116 Lisa, drink the water. 417 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:42,955 (sighing) 418 00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,957 (distorted) ♪ Duff beer for me ♪ 419 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,959 ♪ Duff beer for you ♪ 420 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:50,254 ♪ I'll have a Duff, Duff, Duff, Duff... ♪ 421 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,131 They're all around me. 422 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,841 No way out! 423 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,592 (insane laughter) 424 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,761 No way out, I tell you! 425 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,555 What's wrong? 426 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,932 Well, you just put your head right here. 427 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,851 (snarling) 428 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,019 (maniacal scream) 429 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,610 Hercules, the Cyclops tore off my clothes. 430 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,070 (laughing) 431 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,697 (giggling) 432 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,951 (snarling) 433 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,036 ♪ I'll have a Duff ♪ 434 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,330 ♪ You have one, too... ♪ 435 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,708 Bart! Lisa! 436 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:30,252 ♪♪ (lively) 437 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,880 LISA: Ahh... 438 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,840 Oh... 439 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:40,304 (humming) 440 00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:44,641 Ahh... I can see the music. 441 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,897 Mitch, you're doing a bang-up job. 442 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,273 Thank you, sir. 443 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,066 (chuckling) 444 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,281 Whoa, that isn't good. 445 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:02,993 (screaming) 446 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,536 Stop the ride!! 447 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,789 I'll have to ask my supervisor. 448 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,791 Better stop it. 449 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,755 Can't you do something? 450 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:17,799 Hey. Surly only looks out for one guy-- Surly. 451 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,135 -Sorry, Surly. -Shut up. 452 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,387 SELMA: Don't blame these kids. 453 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:24,973 It's not their fault. 454 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,726 I think their father is missing a chromosome. 455 00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:30,687 Miss Bouvier, while we were rescuing this boy, 456 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,482 hoodlums made off with three bumper cars! 457 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,484 (cars bumping) 458 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:36,777 (laughter) 459 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,866 And I don't think George Washington 460 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,076 will ever be the same. 461 00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:46,078 Ai yi, yi, yi, yi... 462 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:50,207 We found this one swimming naked in the fermentarium. 463 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:53,293 I am the lizard queen! 464 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,963 Give her this, and this, 465 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,757 and then these. 466 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,175 Thank you, doctor. 467 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,677 Oh, I'm not a doctor. 468 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,097 Come to Homercles. 469 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,723 (giggling) 470 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,809 I can't. The beans will burn. 471 00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:11,812 Homercles cares not for beans. 472 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,608 Hi, kids. How was Duff Gardens? 473 00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,611 Can't talk. Coming down. 474 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,613 Hmmm... 475 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,824 How do you do it, Homer? 476 00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:26,535 You take an ordinary bed sheet, fold it around like this-- 477 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:30,289 No, I mean raising kids. 478 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:33,166 I just couldn't cut it today. 479 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,919 All I wanted was a little version of me 480 00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:37,921 that I could hold in my arms. 481 00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,881 Oh, Jubjub. 482 00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:44,511 When I went to pick him up, 483 00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:47,264 Mom was trying to stab him with a hat pin. 484 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:49,391 Shh. 485 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:53,979 ♪ You make me feel ♪ 486 00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,398 ♪ You make me feel ♪ 487 00:21:56,481 --> 00:22:01,695 ♪ Like a natural woman ♪ 488 00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:09,411 {\an8}♪ Oh, baby, what you've done to me ♪ 489 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:13,623 {\an8}CHORUS: ♪ What you've done to me ♪ 490 00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:18,879 {\an8}♪ You make me feel so good inside ♪ 491 00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:22,632 {\an8}CHORUS: ♪ Good inside ♪ 492 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:26,887 {\an8}♪ And I just want to be ♪ 493 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:29,389 {\an8}CHORUS: ♪ Want to be ♪ 494 00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:30,891 {\an8}♪ Close to you ♪ 495 00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:35,062 {\an8}♪ You make me feel so alive ♪ 496 00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:39,399 {\an8}♪ 'Cause you make me feel ♪ 497 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:43,403 {\an8}♪ You make me feel ♪ 498 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:46,406 {\an8}♪ You make me feel ♪ 499 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:52,204 {\an8}♪ Like a natural woman ♪ 500 00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:53,622 {\an8}SELMA: Oh, yeah. 501 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:56,333 Shh! 502 00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:02,214 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.