1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,973 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,394 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:43,334 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,464 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,180 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,893 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,270 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,836 {\an8}-♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ -(screams) 14 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,172 {\an8}♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ 15 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:32,509 {\an8}♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ 16 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,512 {\an8}♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ 17 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,972 {\an8}♪ Springfield cops are on the case ♪ 18 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,059 {\an8}♪ But what do you expect for the money we make? ♪ 19 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:44,020 {\an8}♪ Whether in a car or on a bus ♪ 20 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:47,065 {\an8}♪ We don't mind using excessive force ♪ 21 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:49,234 {\an8}♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ 22 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,236 {\an8}♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ 23 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:52,862 {\an8}All right, boys. 24 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,906 {\an8}Time to bag us a cattle rustler. 25 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,869 {\an8}What in God's name are you doing? 26 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,997 {\an8}Isn't this 742 Evergreen Terrace? 27 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,999 {\an8}No, that's next door. 28 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,000 {\an8}(mooing) 29 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,879 {\an8}(tires screeching) 30 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,800 {\an8}Close, but no doughnut, cops. 31 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,343 {\an8}This is Papa Bear. 32 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:18,513 {\an8}Put out an A.P.B. For a male suspect driving a... 33 00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:19,889 {\an8}car of some sort 34 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,892 {\an8}heading in the direction of... 35 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,853 {\an8}you know, that place that sells chili. 36 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,522 {\an8}Suspect is hatless. Repeat. Hatless. 37 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:31,651 I can't wait till they throw his hatless butt in jail. 38 00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,487 Honey, you really shouldn't eat so much in bed. 39 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,865 It's not good for your heart. 40 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,867 My heart is just fine. 41 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,285 (groaning) 42 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,828 Homie, what is it? 43 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:45,707 Just working the turkey through. 44 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,709 There it goes. 45 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,673 Hey, Lis, there was a big train wreck last night. 46 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,466 -Do you want to see the victims? -Mm, okay. 47 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:58,011 -(vocalizes) -Bart, that's gross. 48 00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,554 You're right. 49 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,514 Let's bury them at sea. 50 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,433 Dad! 51 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,852 (gasping) 52 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:07,270 What's wrong? 53 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,022 You know that feeling you get when 54 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:13,151 a thousand knives of fire are stabbing you in the heart? 55 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,195 I got that right now. 56 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,739 Ooh, bacon! 57 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:20,575 Homer, I prepared a special surprise just for you. 58 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:24,078 It could only be one thing. 59 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:27,582 Psst! The best meat's in the rump. 60 00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:29,083 Here you go. 61 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,668 What the hell is this? 62 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,503 Nice, healthy oatmeal. 63 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,922 Ooh, oatmeal. 64 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,882 What a delightful treat. 65 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,218 Oh, there's a bug in it. 66 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,969 No, there isn't. 67 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:40,929 Trust me. 68 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,435 Dad, there's a bug on that. 69 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,354 Eh. 70 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,899 (horn blowing) 71 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,278 Come on, come on. 72 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,163 -Oh, dear. -(crashing) 73 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,499 Now you've done it. 74 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,542 (growling) 75 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:14,420 (thumping noise) 76 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,465 (horn honking) 77 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:20,718 I keep hearing this horrible, irregular thumping noise. 78 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,178 (thumping continues) 79 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,846 It's your heart, 80 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,723 and I think it's on its last thump. 81 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,977 Whew! I was afraid it was my transmission. 82 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,478 Hey, where's he going? 83 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,480 Billy, remember that old Plymouth 84 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,190 we just couldn't fix? 85 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,151 We're going to sell him to Mr. Nikapopolos? 86 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,112 You're a dull boy, Billy. 87 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:45,868 Look at that pig stuffing his face with doughnuts on my time. 88 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,746 That's right. Keep eating. 89 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,498 Little do you know 90 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,709 you're drawing ever closer to the poisoned doughnut. 91 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,460 (chuckling) 92 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,130 There is a poisoned one, isn't there, Smithers? 93 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,923 Uh, no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers. 94 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,049 They consider it murder. 95 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,385 Damn their oily hides! 96 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,721 (snoring) 97 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,597 Bring him to me! 98 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,976 (thumping) 99 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,603 Relax, Simpson. 100 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,897 I just brought you in for a friendly hello. 101 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,861 And good-bye! You're fired! 102 00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,321 -(groans) -But wait. 103 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,448 Perhaps I'm being too hasty. 104 00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:26,701 -You are highly skilled-- -(exhales) 105 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,911 -...at goofing off! -(groans) 106 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,372 Now, don't worry, Homer. 107 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,083 You're the kind of guy I could really dig... 108 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,710 a grave for! 109 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:40,715 Your indolence is inefficacious. 110 00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:42,133 That means you're terrible! 111 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,018 Eh? 112 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,103 Mr. Burns, I think he's dead. 113 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,521 Oh, dear. 114 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,315 Send a ham to his widow. 115 00:05:57,398 --> 00:06:00,109 Mmm... Ham. 116 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,988 No, wait. He's alive. 117 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,699 -Oh, good. Cancel the ham. -D'oh! 118 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,034 (siren blaring) 119 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,581 Wow, look at that. 120 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,249 How do they know to cross there? 121 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,209 Ohh... 122 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,009 I'm telling you, it's not going to work. 123 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,054 See? 124 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:29,972 He was taking a bite and his jaw locked. 125 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,725 Hey, look, I can fit my entire fist in here. 126 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:35,311 Hey! Hey! Hey! 127 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,397 What's that, Chief? 128 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,233 ♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ 129 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,068 ♪ Bad cops, bad cops ♪ 130 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:46,072 Ooh, buy three tubes of Mr. Blister, get one free. 131 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,323 (phone ringing) 132 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,366 Hello? 133 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,034 Yes. 134 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,953 Oh, dear Lord! 135 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:53,663 Homer's in the hospital. 136 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,748 -They think it's his heart! -(door slams) 137 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,251 -Oh, my God. -What? 138 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,878 Five cents off wax paper. 139 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:03,381 Clear. 140 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,383 (flatline tone) 141 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,219 More. 142 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,597 Thank you. 143 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,434 Oh, Homie, I was so frightened. 144 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:18,062 Marge, my whole life flashed before my eyes. 145 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,565 Ah, little Homer. 146 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,112 How did he get that? 147 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:32,410 ♪ Fall on your knees ♪ 148 00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:36,038 ♪ Oh, hear the angels' voices... ♪ 149 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,040 What a voice. 150 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:41,419 Young Homer's going to make me a millionaire. 151 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:46,799 ♪ Oh, night... divine... ♪ 152 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,051 (Homer's adult voice) Hey, my voice just changed. 153 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:53,431 (off key) ♪ Oh, night, when Christ was born ♪ 154 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,391 Dagnab it! 155 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,519 Mr. Simpson, I'm afraid you've just had a mild heart attack. 156 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,938 But I'm out of the woods now, right? 157 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,858 I mean, whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger. 158 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,860 Oh, no, quite the opposite. 159 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,445 It's made you weak as a kitten. 160 00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,447 (chuckles) Look. 161 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,282 Hey, come on, quit it. 162 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,159 Kootchy, kootchy-koo. 163 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,744 Stop, please stop. 164 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,121 Oh, you swing like a girl, come on now. 165 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,164 Please, have mercy. 166 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,166 Got your nose. 167 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,542 (laughing) Not funny. 168 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,170 How about this little bee? Bzz... 169 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,297 Oh! 170 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:29,133 Remember your hippopotamus oath. 171 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,802 Can't you do something for him? 172 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,429 Well, we can't fix his heart, 173 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:37,016 but we can tell you exactly how damaged it is. 174 00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,935 What an age we live in. 175 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:42,980 Now what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected 176 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,441 flowing through your husband's circulatory system. 177 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,027 But, Doctor, I haven't injected the dye yet. 178 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,947 -Good Lord. -Hi. 179 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,116 So, Homer, this is a new body fat analysis test. 180 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,535 I start you jiggling 181 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:58,246 and measure how long it takes to stop. 182 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,627 Whoo-hoo! Look at that blubber fly. 183 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,754 Yes. 184 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,965 Nurse, cancel my 1:00. 185 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,050 Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo 186 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,177 a coronary bypass operation. 187 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,762 Say it in English, Doc. 188 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,681 You're going to need open-heart surgery. 189 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,683 Spare me your medical mumbo-jumbo. 190 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:22,353 We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker. 191 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,397 Could you dumb it down a shade? 192 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,607 Doctor, we'll do whatever it takes to get my Homie well. 193 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,985 Good. I must warn you, though. 194 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:33,239 This procedure will cost you upwards of $30,000. 195 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,116 (Homer gasping and choking) 196 00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:37,118 (body thuds) 197 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,161 DR. HIBBERT: I'm afraid it's now 40,000. 198 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,587 Okay, okay, we need $40,000. 199 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,922 Now how much do we have in the checkbook? 200 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,717 -$70. -Hmm... 201 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,845 Have we deposited any $40,000 checks that haven't cleared yet? 202 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,431 No. Don't you have health insurance at work? 203 00:09:58,514 --> 00:09:59,974 Well, actually, we gave it all up 204 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,726 for a pinball machine in the lounge. 205 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:04,353 -D'oh! -Don't worry, Marge. 206 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,231 America's health care system is second only to Japan... 207 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:10,318 Canada, Sweden, Great Britain... 208 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,694 Well, all of Europe. 209 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,487 But you can thank your lucky stars 210 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,282 we don't live in Paraguay. 211 00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:18,659 (sobbing) 212 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,500 Now before we give you health insurance, 213 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,586 I have to ask you a few questions. 214 00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,504 Questions? Questions? 215 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,632 Oh, my whole scheme down the... 216 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,091 I mean, ask away. 217 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,259 Good. 218 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:36,886 Now, under "heart attacks," 219 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,096 you crossed out "3" and wrote "0." 220 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,683 I thought that said brain hemorrhages. 221 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:45,603 Oh. And do you drink? 222 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,938 I do enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas. 223 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,024 All right, here's your policy. 224 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,735 Now let me tell you something, Mr. Sucker, I just... 225 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,488 Hold on there. You still have to sign it. 226 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,490 Oh. I... 227 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:58,658 (gasping) 228 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,410 Must... sign... policy. 229 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,621 Sir, I'm sorry. We can't insure you. 230 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,956 -I made an "H." -No, that doesn't count. 231 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,333 Looks like an "X." 232 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:10,002 We better get you to a hospital. 233 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,713 -Can I have a free calendar? -Okay. 234 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,924 Clear. 235 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,175 Oh, doctor, 236 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,843 I was in a wonderful place 237 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,929 filled with fire and brimstone. 238 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,765 And there were all these guys in red pajamas 239 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,725 sticking pitchforks in my butt. 240 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,895 Mr. Simpson, you must get that operation as soon as possible. 241 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,855 I can't afford it. 242 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,692 Maybe I should buy one of those machines. 243 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:35,945 Oh, yeah. That's the stuff. 244 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,781 Now, I know I haven't been the best Christian. 245 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,991 In fact, when you're up there blah-blah-blahing, 246 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,368 I'm usually doodling 247 00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,704 or mentally undressing the female parishioners. 248 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:48,874 Well, anywho, can I have $40,000? 249 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,669 Now, I know I haven't been the best Jew, 250 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,295 but I rented Fiddler on the Roof 251 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,880 and I will watch it. 252 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,383 -Anyway, can I have $40,000? -Mmm? 253 00:11:57,466 --> 00:12:00,010 Now, I know I haven't been the best... 254 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,596 Aw, forget it. 255 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,223 Honey, did you have any luck? 256 00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,642 No, but the rabbi gave me this. 257 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:07,893 What is it, Dad? 258 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,062 Son, they call it a droodle. 259 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,398 Whoo-hoo! Look at him go. 260 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:16,026 Hi, everybody. Are you looking for a way 261 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,612 to slash the cost of your medical expenses? 262 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,489 Boring. 263 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,241 Wait, this might be the answer we're looking for. 264 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:27,455 I will perform any operation for $129.95. 265 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,373 Come in for brain surgery 266 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,251 and receive a free Chinese finger trap. 267 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,253 (grunting) 268 00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:35,254 Okay, Fred. 269 00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:36,672 You tried the best. 270 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,466 Now try the rest. 271 00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,719 {\an8}Call 1-600-DOCTORB. 272 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,596 {\an8}The "B" is for "Bargain." 273 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,932 Marge, we could do worse. 274 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,476 How? 275 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,187 Some dog could do the operation. 276 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,397 Operation? What are you talking about? 277 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,399 Kids, I have something to tell you. 278 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,360 Oh, Homie, I don't know. This might upset them. 279 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,196 Nothing you say can upset us. 280 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,489 We're the MTV generation. 281 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,532 We feel neither highs nor lows. 282 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,659 -Really? What's it like? -Eh. 283 00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:08,412 Well, you kids are old enough to know the truth, 284 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,122 and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. 285 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,626 So, the tiny aorta fairies will take Mr. Leg Vein 286 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:16,003 on a long trip to get married 287 00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:18,130 to Princess Left Ventricle. 288 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,673 Dad, are you trying to tell us 289 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:22,134 you're getting a coronary artery bypass graft? 290 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,302 Uh, yeah. 291 00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:25,888 Oh, no. What if they botch it? 292 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,390 I won't have a dad... 293 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,850 for a while. 294 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,852 (sobbing) 295 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,147 Kids, kids, I'm not going to die. 296 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,399 That only happens to bad people. 297 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,151 What about Abraham Lincoln? 298 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:42,071 Uh, he sold poisoned milk to schoolchildren. 299 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,531 -Homer! -Hey, I'm just trying 300 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,032 to make it easier on 'em. 301 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,076 HOMER: Bed goes up, bed goes down. 302 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,911 Bed goes up, bed goes down. 303 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,121 Bed goes up, bed goes down. 304 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,373 Bed goes up, bed goes down. 305 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:54,875 FLANDERS: Homer Simpson? 306 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,670 If that don't put the "Dink" In co-inky-dink. 307 00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,839 Flanders, what are you doing here? 308 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:02,174 I'm having a kidney and a lung removed. 309 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,843 Who are you donating them to? 310 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,177 First come, first serve. 311 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,178 What are you in for? 312 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,805 I got a bad heart. 313 00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,307 If I could give you my heart, Homer, I would. 314 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,350 Shut up, Flanders. 315 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,478 Hi, everybody! 316 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,189 I'm Dr. Nick Riviera. 317 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,233 Dr. Riviera, Dr. Nick Riviera, 318 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:20,818 please report to the coroner immediately. 319 00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:23,654 The coroner? I'm so sick of that guy. 320 00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:26,782 Well, see you in the operating place. 321 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,659 -Dr. Riviera! -Dr. Riviera! 322 00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:29,743 Where are the bodies? 323 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,829 Oh, such a nice day. 324 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,581 I think I'll go out the window. 325 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:34,790 Whoa! 326 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,625 (crashing) 327 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,382 Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, 328 00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:45,467 little baby ducks, 329 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:49,179 and Sweatin' to the Oldies, volumes one, two, and four. 330 00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,392 Dear Lord, 331 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:56,353 I'm really scared about this operation tomorrow. 332 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,440 If something happens, please look after Marge 333 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:02,192 and make sure my kids grow up right. 334 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,277 Shh! 335 00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,239 Sorry. 336 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:15,331 ...and that's why God causes train wrecks. 337 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,459 My dad is very sick. 338 00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,419 What's going to happen if he dies? 339 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:23,339 Well, if he's been good, he'll go to heaven. 340 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,840 In heaven, you get to do 341 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,801 whatever you like best all the time. 342 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:31,013 Cloud goes up, cloud goes down. 343 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,723 Cloud goes up, cloud goes down. 344 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,059 Bed goes up, bed goes down. 345 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,602 Hey! Hey! 346 00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,103 (maniacal laughter) 347 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,480 (gasping) 348 00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:40,731 Hey, what's the matter? 349 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,316 Oh, that's right. 350 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,276 My grotesque appearance. 351 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,861 (laughing) 352 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,279 Krusty, why are you here? 353 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,740 It's part of my public service 354 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:53,369 for my glug-glug, vroom-vroom, thump-thump. 355 00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,704 Oh, well, I could use a good laugh. 356 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,999 Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. 357 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:02,628 I know. I'm in the zipper club myself. 358 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:03,712 (takes long drag) 359 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:07,883 -You seem okay. -Yeah? 360 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,136 Well, I got news for you. This ain't makeup. 361 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,764 They say the greatest tragedy 362 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:16,809 is when a father outlives his son. 363 00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:19,895 I've never fully understood why that is. 364 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,565 Frankly, I can see an upside to it. 365 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,110 {\an8}We passed this card around at work. 366 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:27,903 Gee, thanks, guys. 367 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,571 They had a hell of a time replacing you. 368 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,119 When I first heard about the operation, 369 00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,079 I was against it. 370 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,664 But then I thought 371 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:41,875 "If Homer wants to be a woman, so be it." 372 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:44,211 Barney, I'm not getting a sex change. 373 00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,879 What?! 374 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,215 What the hell am I supposed to do 375 00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:50,050 with this jumbo thong bikini? 376 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,387 Homer, I snuck you in a beer for old times' sake. 377 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:55,848 Thanks, Moe. 378 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:59,143 Uh, you know, Homer, that beer ain't free. 379 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:02,980 Mom, this is fascinating. 380 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:06,358 Did you know that they'll stop Dad's heart for six whole minutes? 381 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,861 I don't know if I like you reading 382 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,487 all those cardiology books. 383 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,322 No, Mom, it's very reassuring, 384 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,366 and I 've learned a great deal 385 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,619 from this cow's heart I got at the butcher shop. 386 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,204 (groaning) 387 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,206 MAN: Insert the retractor 388 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,375 and crank it until the ribs swing open 389 00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,127 like a rusty drawbridge. 390 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,336 Ohh, no! 391 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,963 Blood! Ugh! 392 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,674 Next, make an incision in the coronary art... 393 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:34,928 And we are back with more of People Who Look Like Things. 394 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,388 (applause) 395 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:43,937 Oh, no! No! 396 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,648 Someone taped over the end of this. 397 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:50,152 All we ask is to be treated with dignity and respect. 398 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,071 And a new candle now and then? 399 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,197 Yes, and a new... No! 400 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,907 (audience laughing) 401 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,659 Oh, my little Maggie. 402 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,870 I may never hold you again. 403 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:02,289 Eww! Stinky pants. 404 00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,625 Now, Marge, if the unthinkable 405 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,418 should happen, you're going to be lonely. 406 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,670 Homie, I could never re-marry. 407 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:09,671 Darn right. 408 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,131 And to make sure 409 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,800 I want to be stuffed and put on the couch 410 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,761 as a constant reminder of our marital vows. 411 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:19,098 Kids, you can come in now. 412 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,184 Bed goes up. 413 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,394 Kids, I wanna give you some words to remember me by 414 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,063 in case something happens. 415 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,106 Let's see. 416 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,774 Uh... 417 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,152 Oh, I'm no good at this. 418 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,654 (whispering) 419 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,657 Bart, the saddest thing about this is 420 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:40,035 I won't get to see you grow up because... 421 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,246 I know you're going to turn out great 422 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,623 with or without your old man. 423 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:45,874 Thanks, Dad. 424 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,167 And, Lisa... 425 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,299 I guess this is the time to tell you... 426 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,260 you're adopted, and I don't like you. 427 00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:58,971 Bart! 428 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,347 But don't worry, because you've got 429 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,015 a big brother who loves you 430 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,142 and will always look out for you. 431 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,269 Oh, Dad. 432 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,150 Hi, everybody. 433 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,526 ALL: Hi, Dr. Nick! 434 00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:14,278 (snoring) 435 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:16,405 Now, if something should go wrong, 436 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,824 let's not get the law involved. 437 00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:21,410 One hand washes the other. 438 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,120 Ooh, that reminds me. 439 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,668 These gloves came free with my toilet brush. 440 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,341 What the hell is that? 441 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,473 Marge, this is Andre. 442 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:44,933 Hello. 443 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,895 I think you two would make a lovely couple. 444 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,355 My husband is still alive. 445 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:51,940 Oh. Thank God. 446 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,275 I hope he pulls through. 447 00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,444 Not me. (chuckles) 448 00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:58,363 Let's have a minute of silent prayer 449 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,699 for our good friend, Homer Simpson. 450 00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:07,998 How long has it been? 451 00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:09,082 Six seconds. 452 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,667 Do we have to start over? 453 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:11,877 Hell, no. 454 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,670 Poor Mr. Homer. 455 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,548 Could it be that my snack treats are responsible 456 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:17,633 for his wretched health? 457 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,092 Give me some jerky. 458 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,260 Would you like some vodka with that? 459 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,386 Oh, what the hell. Sure. 460 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:28,852 Doctor, what's wrong? 461 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,813 Don't you know where to make the incision? 462 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,690 All right, Nick, don't panic. 463 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,859 Think back to med school. 464 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,446 Seriously, baby. 465 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:40,989 I can prescribe anything I want. 466 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,869 I know I'm supposed to cut something, 467 00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,537 but what and where? 468 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,249 Hey! 469 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:54,920 The incision in the coronary artery must be made below the blockage! 470 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:56,421 Below! 471 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,757 Thanks, little girl. 472 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,884 ♪ The knee bone's connected ♪ 473 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,345 ♪ To the something ♪ 474 00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:06,598 ♪ The something's connected to the red thing ♪ 475 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:09,434 ♪ The red thing's connected to my wristwatch... ♪ 476 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,436 Uh-oh. 477 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:19,903 Good news. The operation was a complete success. 478 00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:25,033 Oh, that's wonderful! 479 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,786 (humming) 480 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:30,706 Dr. Nick Riviera, remember me? 481 00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:34,710 Well, if it isn't my old friend Mr. McCraig, 482 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,754 with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg. 483 00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:43,885 All right, Dad! 484 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,887 You rule intensive care! 485 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,222 (sniffling) 486 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:53,020 (heart beating to tempo of "The Simpsons" theme) 487 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,521 (music stops) 488 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:57,607 (music continues) 489 00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:03,613 ♪♪ 490 00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,283 Shh! 491 00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:54,623 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.