1 00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,755 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,219 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,595 (tires screeching) 4 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,849 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,101 -Aah! -(tires screeching) 6 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,868 -(goofy laugh) -(cheering) 7 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,554 When Krusty wants to, he can still blow them away. 8 00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:56,765 Yes, he can take a simple, everyday thing 9 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,892 like eating a bicycle and make it funny. 10 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:01,936 See you tomorrow, kids. (laughing) 11 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,814 But before I go, I'd just like to say... 12 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,025 -(bicycle bell ringing) -(laughter) 13 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:10,153 ♪♪ 14 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,910 Ah, there's nothing better than a cigarette, 15 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,037 unless it's a cigarette lit with a hundred-dollar bill. 16 00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,082 Put 5,000 bucks on the Lakers. 17 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,833 Hire Kenny G. To play for me in the elevator. 18 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,293 My house is dirty, buy me a clean one. 19 00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:28,880 Krusty, as your accountant, I must warn you... 20 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,424 Did you send those 1,000 roses to Bea Arthur's grave? 21 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:32,884 Yes, but she's still-- 22 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,886 I don't want to hear the end of any sentences. 23 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,054 WOMAN: George Carlin on three. 24 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,889 Yeah? Lawsuit? 25 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,390 Oh, come on. 26 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,934 My "Seven words you can't say on TV" bit 27 00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,644 was entirely different 28 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,396 from your "Seven words you can't say on TV" bit. 29 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,856 So I'm a thief, am I? 30 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,443 -Well, excuse me! -(receiver slams) 31 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,861 Give him ten grand. 32 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:52,946 WOMAN: Steve Martin on four. 33 00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,614 Ten grand. 34 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,449 Krusty, in regards 35 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,410 to the large wager you made on yesterday's horse race. 36 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,955 Oh, come on, how about letting me go double or nothing 37 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,248 on the big opera tonight. 38 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:04,958 -Who do you like? -The tenor. 39 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,960 Okay, 40 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,545 but we're only letting the bet ride 41 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,506 because you crack us so consistently up. 42 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,969 You've got to stop blowing your money like this, Krusty. 43 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:16,970 No can do. 44 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,850 And those ridiculous bets you make. 45 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,935 Gambling is the finest thing a person can do 46 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,311 if he's good at it. 47 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,896 But you haven't won anything in months. 48 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,857 So I'll just make some more money. 49 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,608 Crank out some cheesy merchandise. 50 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,360 But you've already merchandized everything. 51 00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,820 Krusty's Monopoly game. 52 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,905 The Krusty crowd control barrier. 53 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,157 Nothing is selling anymore. 54 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,367 Not even your new Lady Krusty line. 55 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,828 But our infomercials are running 24 hours a day. 56 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,956 So what do you think 57 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,917 of the Lady Krusty moustache removal system now, Angelique? 58 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,378 It's Krusteriffic, Johnny Unitas. 59 00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,881 But is my upper lip supposed to bleed like this? 60 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,507 Probably. 61 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,509 At this rate, you'll be broke in a month. 62 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,970 The only thing left to do is to open a clown college 63 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,847 and train some regional Krusties. 64 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,474 You mean like that bozo, Bonko the Clown? 65 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,310 -Exactly. -Forget it. 66 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,937 I'll just cut back on the condor egg omelets. 67 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,857 Mmm, a couple of those would be tasty right now. 68 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,150 I'll found the college tomorrow. 69 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,326 (gasps) It must be the first of the month. 70 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,869 New billboard day! 71 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,876 (laughing) 72 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:30,835 Finders keepers. 73 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,883 "This year, give her English muffins." 74 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,801 Whatever you say, Mr. Billboard. 75 00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:45,725 "Best in the West." 76 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:47,894 (chuckles) That rhymes. 77 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,941 Clown college? 78 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,734 -You can't eat that. -(tires screech) 79 00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,736 (crow caws) 80 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:58,863 Well, I got everything I was supposed to get. 81 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,491 I'm not going to enroll in that clown college, though. 82 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:05,453 That advertisement had no effect on me whatsoever. 83 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,923 (circus music playing) 84 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,341 Hey, Homer, the section 85 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,093 you're supposed to be monitoring is on fire. 86 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:23,680 (circus music playing) 87 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,141 (screaming) 88 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,893 (circus music playing) 89 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,144 (chuckles) 90 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,896 Clowns are funny. 91 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:43,324 Mom? 92 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,076 I think I'll have some wine. 93 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,167 Marge... 94 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,252 Yes, Homey? 95 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,962 (humming circus music) 96 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,463 That's it. 97 00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,881 You people have stood in my way long enough. 98 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,634 I'm going to clown college. 99 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,344 (door slams) 100 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,680 I don't think any of us expected him to say that. 101 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,266 Hurry up. 102 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,851 It's my first day of clown college. 103 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:12,061 Hold still, Homer. Don't squirm. 104 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,273 I am holding still. I am squirming. 105 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,984 Dad, you can't just go around pretending to be Krusty. 106 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:18,985 It's sacrilege. 107 00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:20,278 He's a one and only. 108 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,988 I mean, he invented the pie fight, 109 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,906 the pratfall, and the seltzer bottle. 110 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,074 As far as I know. 111 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,701 Yeah, Dad, it was bad enough 112 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,369 when you tried to pass yourself off as Tom Bosley. 113 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,121 But Krusty? 114 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,749 You weren't complaining when I got you this close 115 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,500 to Chachi. 116 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,169 What's a Chachi? 117 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:43,551 All right. There can only be one Krusty in each territory, 118 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,762 so I hope this works out. 119 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,180 Tell me where you're from. 120 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,639 -Georgia. -Texas. 121 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,017 Uh, Brooklyn. 122 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,018 Russia. 123 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,019 New Hampshire. 124 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,354 Homer. 125 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,189 Okay, we'll start off with the baggy-- 126 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,357 What? 127 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,816 Those are supposed to be baggy pants. 128 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,234 Baggy! 129 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:03,237 Ooh, I've never had a pair of pants 130 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,490 that fit this well in my life. 131 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,993 Okay, memorize these funny place names. 132 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,377 (laughing) 133 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,087 Stop it, you're killing me! 134 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,131 Seattle! 135 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,053 (groaning) 136 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,263 And now, everybody's favorite: 137 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,141 the Spin Cycle Fantastique trick. 138 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,394 It's a great piece of buffoonery if you pull it off. 139 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,605 But if you blow it, you'll look like a fool. 140 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,110 Steady... 141 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,069 Steady. 142 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,074 Now, when the wealthy dowager comes in, 143 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,617 the party's over, right? 144 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,868 Wrong! 145 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,789 Kill wealthy dowager. 146 00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,881 Uh, burn that seat. 147 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,717 These Krusty brand balloons are three bucks each. 148 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,970 But get a cheap one and what happens? 149 00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:12,098 Goes off, takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room. 150 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,975 What's that gonna cost you? 151 00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,435 Hey, Bill, what did that cost us? 152 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,865 (humming) 153 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:33,661 Hmm! 154 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,204 -(chuckles) -(coughing) 155 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,123 (laughing) 156 00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:40,293 Wow! I'm sorry I doubted you before, Dad. 157 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:41,919 If there has to be 158 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,838 a bastardized version of Krusty, I'm glad it's you. 159 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,673 Thanks, honey. Bank shot. 160 00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:46,883 Wow! 161 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,551 That's good aim, Dad. 162 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,386 Well, it was my major. 163 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:54,265 Welcome to the noble family of skilled Krustaceans. 164 00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:56,851 You will now go back to your hometowns 165 00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:59,353 and do kids' parties, swap meets, 166 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,355 and all the other piddling crap 167 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,233 I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot clown pole. 168 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,235 Now come and get your cat skins... 169 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,237 Uh, I mean sheep skins. 170 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,325 (crowd clamoring) 171 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,327 (buzzing) 172 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,329 This is the happiest day of my life... 173 00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:19,123 -(buzzing) -(cries out) 174 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,666 Got it. No shock for me. 175 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,793 -(giggling) -Oh, yeah? 176 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,253 -(grunts) -(cries out) 177 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,757 -(repeated buzzing) -Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 178 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:31,385 (children cheering) 179 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:38,184 And now to help introduce our fantastic new burger, 180 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,019 the one with ketchup, 181 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,439 here he is, coming in by parachute, 182 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,607 Krusty the Clown! 183 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,945 (Homer screaming) 184 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,029 (thuds) 185 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:57,245 (laughing) 186 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,247 (cheering) 187 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,418 "To audience. 188 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:08,464 "I now proclaim this new burger... 189 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,174 For sale!" 190 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,760 (applause) 191 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,096 (laughing) 192 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,430 (grunting) 193 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,767 Ohh! 194 00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,060 Lord, save me. 195 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,604 (children cheering) 196 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,983 It's the Krusty burglar. 197 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,279 Oh, my God. He's stealing all the burgers! 198 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,280 Why, you little! 199 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,864 I've got you! 200 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,284 -Ow! Ow! -Oh, Homer! 201 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,578 It's-- It's-- It's all just an act. 202 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:39,745 Stop! 203 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,372 Stop! 204 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,416 He's already dead! 205 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,001 Let go! 206 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,295 Get him! Get him! 207 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,839 Uh, Krusty the Clown, everybody! 208 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,300 (scattered applause) 209 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:56,262 Please look at my MedicAlert bracelet. (groans) 210 00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:57,722 (horn honking) 211 00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,640 (cheering) 212 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:00,641 (tires screeching) 213 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:05,021 Yah! Ooh! 214 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,314 (groans) 215 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,816 Oh. Hey. Hey. 216 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,693 (cheering) 217 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,654 And then, take that 218 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,948 and put that in there, and you... 219 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,533 Ahh! 220 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,368 There's your giraffe, little girl. 221 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,494 I'm a boy. 222 00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:21,746 That's the spirit. 223 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,456 Never give up. 224 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,833 I guess you're pretty impressed, huh, Bart? 225 00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:28,252 My dad got Krusty the Clown 226 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,087 to personally appear at my party. 227 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:33,049 I have a feeling I could get him to appear at my house. 228 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,842 I don't know, Bart. 229 00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:36,719 My dad's a pretty big wheel 230 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,513 down at the cracker factory. 231 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,767 -(kids clamoring) -(humming) 232 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,727 (laughing) 233 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,729 (groans) 234 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,731 Uh, it's not 5:30 yet. 235 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,108 (groans) 236 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,486 (humming) 237 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:54,695 (laughing) 238 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:01,619 -Hey, nice threads. -I'm beat. 239 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,747 And after work, I got to dedicate a new Jiffy Lube 240 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,874 and cohost the Ace awards. 241 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,626 Wow! Jiffy Lube! 242 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,461 Boy, you're really running yourself ragged. 243 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:13,714 Oh, yeah. When I started this clown thing, 244 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,883 I thought it would be nothing but glory. 245 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,886 You know, the glory of being a clown? 246 00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:22,973 But I tell you, it's hard, tiring work. 247 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:26,477 But when I see the smiles on their little faces, 248 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,855 I just know they're getting ready to jab me with something. 249 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,736 My time's almost up here, so I'd just like to say 250 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:36,862 I know Woody Allen. 251 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,198 (scattered applause) 252 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,702 And now the winner for the most promising 253 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,620 new series on cable... 254 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,497 Old "Starsky and Hutches." 255 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,124 ♪♪ 256 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,792 ANNOUNCER: Accepting the award 257 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,002 is the son of the guy who played Huggy Bear. 258 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,462 (scattered applause) 259 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,342 Let's walk and talk. 260 00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,885 I have some wonderful stories 261 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,846 about other famous people that include me in some way. 262 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,223 Can't. I gotta go distract bulls at a rodeo. 263 00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:05,766 Hey, me, too. We can go together. 264 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,394 Uh... No, I'm going a different way 265 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,729 than you, Dick. 266 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,439 Your churlish attitude reminds me 267 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,232 of a time I was having dinner with Groucho-- 268 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:15,025 Look, you're gonna be having dinner with Groucho tonight 269 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,026 if you don't beat it. 270 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,820 (engine chugging) 271 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,157 Ah, being a clown sucks. 272 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,576 You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, 273 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,202 and admired by the elderly. 274 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,454 Who am I clowning? 275 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:28,414 I have no business being a clown. 276 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,040 I'm leaving the clowning business 277 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,792 to all the other clowns in the clowning business. 278 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,335 (siren wailing) 279 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,587 Ah, no. 280 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,590 Well, well, well, velocity boy. 281 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,633 I'm gonna give you the biggest ticket you... 282 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,343 Hey! Krusty! 283 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,970 I'm not Krusty. 284 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,889 To think I was going to give you a ticket! 285 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:45,890 Krusty the Clown! 286 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,141 I am not Krusty! 287 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,476 Hey, Krusty, Krusty, 288 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,060 you remember that time we got loaded 289 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,520 and set those beavers loose 290 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,147 in that pine furniture store? 291 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,899 (laughing) 292 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,484 Ah, memories. 293 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,694 All right, you take it easy, Krusty. 294 00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,653 (door slamming) 295 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:03,073 Hey, he didn't give me a ticket. 296 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:06,118 This is an intriguing development. 297 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,704 (gasps) You mean I get five percent off on everything in the store 298 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,331 just because I look like-- 299 00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:13,209 I mean, just because I am Krusty the Clown? 300 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,668 How could I charge full price 301 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,879 to the man whose lust for filthy magazines 302 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,673 kept me in business during that first shaky year? 303 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:23,344 By the way, here is your new issue of "Gigantic Asses". 304 00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,221 I'm telling you, Marge, this will work. 305 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,056 They'll think I'm Krusty and give us free stuff. 306 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,099 I've been getting free stuff all day. 307 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,310 Look at this swell bucket of house paint. 308 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:32,686 Look at it. 309 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,104 I'm not saying it won't work. 310 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,397 I'm just saying it's dishonest. 311 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,025 Well. If we agree, then why are we arguing? 312 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,569 Hey, Krusty! 313 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,989 Hey, ooh, beautiful date tonight, huh? 314 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,867 And such lovely children you have. 315 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,202 I'm more striking than lovely. 316 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,663 You come a-with me. Come with Luigi. 317 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,331 You don't want to sit 318 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,958 with the rest of this a-scum. 319 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,584 (all protesting) 320 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,545 I only consider you scum 321 00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,088 compared to Krusty. 322 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,715 -Well, all right. -Well, okay. 323 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,175 Yeah, you see how you scum. 324 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,844 (crowd cheering on TV) 325 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,430 Let me get this straight. 326 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,266 You took all the money you made franchising your name 327 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,518 and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters? 328 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,688 Oh, I thought the Generals were due. 329 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,815 ("Sweet Georgia Brown" playing) 330 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,526 He's spinning the ball on his finger! 331 00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:21,735 Just take it! 332 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:22,862 Take the ball! 333 00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,074 That game was fixed. 334 00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,994 They were using a freakin' ladder for God sakes. 335 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:34,081 I am afraid the time has come for you to pay us. 336 00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:35,124 Look, I'm cleaned out. 337 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,084 Just take the clown college. 338 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,586 We have already taken it. 339 00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,671 Kids have a lot of money these days 340 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,381 so after you finish your performance, 341 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,549 you might consider robbing them. 342 00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:45,885 Look, what can I tell you? 343 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,761 You can't get blood from a turnip. 344 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,931 You want to kill me, go ahead and kill me. 345 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,141 (gunfire) 346 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,726 Oh, hey, hey, all right, okay already! 347 00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,769 Look, we can talk this over. 348 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,062 No more talk. 349 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,024 It is time for us to take you for a ride. 350 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,692 Oh, no! 351 00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:04,153 Mind if I go to the bathroom first? 352 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:07,031 I see no harm in that. 353 00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,032 (door slamming) 354 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:09,533 (window opening) 355 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,660 (car door slamming and tires screeching) 356 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,747 (plane flying overhead) 357 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,500 When he's done in there, I got to go. 358 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,841 Okay, wherever Krusty's gone, we'll find him. 359 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,843 Legs, you check out the east side. 360 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,803 Louie, Rome and Budapest. 361 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,556 Tell the boys I want a total world search. 362 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,558 -Right, boss. -Right, boss. 363 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,477 I want a free car because I'm Krusty. 364 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,395 Krusty the Clown! 365 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,438 Get it? 366 00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:41,106 -(honking horn) -Krusty. 367 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,278 Cancel the world search. 368 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:49,698 I want everything that's coming to Krusty the Clown, 369 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,868 which is me, Krusty. 370 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,620 Hey, it's Krusty, all right. 371 00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:57,081 Should I shoot him gangland style 372 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,457 or execution style? 373 00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:01,335 -Listen to your heart. -(gun cocks) 374 00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,128 Well, I can't give you the car, Krusty. 375 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,838 But I can let you have this little number 376 00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,466 for practically nothing-- Only 38,000. 377 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,510 (gunshots) 378 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,428 Hey, what are all these holes? 379 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,430 These are speed holes. They make the car go faster. 380 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,225 Oh, yeah. Speed holes. 381 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,060 (gunshots) 382 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,604 You want my advice? 383 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,939 I think you should buy this car. 384 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,273 (clicking) 385 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,191 We need more ammo. 386 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,192 Let's go to Big 5. 387 00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:30,114 Krusty, your plastic surgery is complete. 388 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,991 When I remove the bandages 389 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,284 don't be alarmed by the total stranger 390 00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,411 staring back at you. 391 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,956 (screaming) 392 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,583 I look exactly the same, you moron! 393 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,377 Nonsense, Krusty. 394 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,879 You look at least ten years younger, plus, I did your breasts. 395 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,424 Does anyone hear me complaining about the breasts? 396 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,300 Oh, what's the use in hiding? 397 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:53,262 I got to go back to Springfield and face the music. 398 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,347 Can you loan me bus fare? 399 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,724 Hey, hey, hey! 400 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,106 What you diddley-doing, neighbor? 401 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,733 Putting speed holes in my car. 402 00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,109 Makes it go faster. 403 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,485 Is that so? 404 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,654 Gee, maybe the old Flanders-mobile could use... 405 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:11,697 (gunshot) 406 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,910 Wow! Lucky I always keep a bible close to my heart. 407 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:17,870 (gunshot) 408 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,083 Lucky I was wearing an extra-large piece 409 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,544 of the true cross today. 410 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:26,670 I think I'll go inside. 411 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,339 (gunshot) 412 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,008 What keeps doing that? 413 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,385 I told you we should have bought more than three bullets. 414 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:35,512 Let's just grab him. 415 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,472 (muffled screaming) 416 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,185 But wait, you can't kill me for being Krusty. 417 00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,186 I'm not him. 418 00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:43,729 I'm Homer Simpson. 419 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,397 The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car 420 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:46,899 through the wall of our club? 421 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,609 Uh, actually, my name is Barney. 422 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:49,985 Yeah, Barney Gumble. 423 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,403 The same Barney Gumble 424 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,781 who keeps taking pictures of my sister? 425 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,824 Actually, my real name is, uh... 426 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,077 Think, Krusty, think... Joe Valachi. 427 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,537 The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the senate committee 428 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,039 about organized crime? 429 00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:03,207 Benedict Arnold. 430 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,958 The same Benedict Arnold who plotted 431 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,502 to surrender West Point to the hated British? 432 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,461 D'oh! 433 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,802 I am so glad I had a chance to meet you 434 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:19,598 before we did this, Krusty, because I am a great fan. 435 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:22,476 Don Vittorio DiMaggio. 436 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:24,561 Krusty the Clown. 437 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:28,107 -Sorry I have to do this, Krusty. -(gun cocking) 438 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,569 I cannot do it. 439 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,447 To murder a funny man of such genius 440 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,907 would be a crime. 441 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,077 Tell you what, Krusty. 442 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,204 Do for me my favorite trick, 443 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,748 where you ride the little bike through the loop 444 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,834 and I will let you live. 445 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,919 But I've never been able to do the-- 446 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,255 Hey, how about if I just squirt you in the face with my boutonniere? 447 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,339 -(gun cocks) -Okay. 448 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,968 I'll never be able to do this trick. 449 00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,928 -Never. -Go! Go! 450 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,515 Oh, oh, oh! Hey! 451 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,517 I'm doing it. I'm doing it! 452 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,019 I'm the greatest clown in the world! 453 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,693 (body thuds) 454 00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:14,945 Ta-da! 455 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:18,073 The fact that you did not do the trick well 456 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,742 is the biggest insult of all. 457 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:24,329 Hey, guys, I came to, uh... 458 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,331 Oh, you've got a deadly game of cat and mouse going. 459 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,792 -I'll come back. -(gasps) 460 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,503 I'm seeing double here. Four Krusties. 461 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,838 Krusty! 462 00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,464 Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot! 463 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,508 You came here to save me! 464 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:39,219 Yeah, that's what I did. 465 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,847 My apologies to you. 466 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,058 I almost made a grievous error. 467 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,643 Good-bye, Krusty. 468 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,562 Wait! He can't kill anybody 469 00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,480 if he doesn't know which one's the real Krusty. 470 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,858 Oh, whoa! 471 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,443 Hup, ha ha! 472 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,820 I am confused. 473 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,114 Heh-heh. Good one, Krusty. 474 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,741 -(gun cocking) -Oh, crap. 475 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,827 Because of that disrespectful display, 476 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,205 I shall now kill both of you. 477 00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,498 Unless... 478 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,293 you both go through the loop 479 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,586 together. 480 00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:13,795 (both gasping) 481 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:17,591 (grunting) 482 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:22,930 I can't see, you idiot! 483 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,598 Take your hands off my eyes. 484 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:28,852 ALL: Ooh! 485 00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:34,191 (glasses chiming the "Godfather" theme) 486 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,859 ALL: Aah! 487 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,278 (screaming) Uh-oh! 488 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:43,617 -Hey! -Hey! 489 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:44,868 Not bad. 490 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,329 Without the loop, it is nothing. 491 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:50,749 Whoa! 492 00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:52,626 (crying out) 493 00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,715 ♪ Ta-da! ♪ 494 00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,926 -Gah! -(gulps) 495 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,094 (bicycle bell ringing) 496 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:04,680 TOGETHER: Yay, Krusties! 497 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,139 -Ha-ha. -Hey, hey. 498 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,933 Grazie, grazie. 499 00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:12,104 You have brought great joy to this old Italian stereotype. 500 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,106 No, no, Don Vittorio, you're not... 501 00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,107 Yes, I am. 502 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:16,441 I know it, I am. 503 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,986 Anyway, thank you, Krusty. 504 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:19,987 You're welcome. 505 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,780 So we're even now, huh? 506 00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:24,032 No, we just won't kill you. 507 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,493 But you still owe us the money. 508 00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,787 Forty-eight dollars. 509 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:29,955 Here's 50. 510 00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:32,124 And two your change. 511 00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:33,333 And we thank you. 512 00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:41,633 ♪♪ 513 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:26,678 Shh. 514 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,559 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.