1 00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:06,589 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,632 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:10,677 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,929 -(screams) -(tires screech) 5 00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:32,949 Hello. I'm Kent Brockman, and this is Eye on Springfield. 6 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,744 ♪♪ 7 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:11,905 Tonight, we'll visit Springfield's answer 8 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,699 to the Benedictine monks... the Rapping Rabbis. 9 00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,451 ♪ Don't eat pork ♪ 10 00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:17,869 ♪ Not even vit' a fork ♪ 11 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,454 ♪ Can't touch this! ♪ 12 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,081 Marge, are we Jewish? 13 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,999 -No, Homer. -Whoo-hoo! 14 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,086 Mmm... 15 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:29,214 -But first, we all stink. -We all... hey! 16 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:30,965 That's according to a national survey 17 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:34,219 ranking Springfield as the least popular city in America. 18 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,012 In science, dead last. 19 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,847 I'm telling you people 20 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,433 the Earth revolves around the sun. 21 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,268 Burn him! 22 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,979 What a story! 23 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,232 You've stolen my soul! 24 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:49,317 In culture, dead last. 25 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,778 Eleanor, we've got to do something 26 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,363 about this depression, 27 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,031 so I propo-- 28 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,575 Oh! That's right, I'm crippled. 29 00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,119 This is terrible. 30 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,995 People will start to avoid Springfield. 31 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,413 But what can I do? 32 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,582 I'm just... one... one man. 33 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,960 I think we should call a town meeting. 34 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,587 If we don't do something soon, we won't get any tourists at all. 35 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:10,839 No tourists? 36 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,549 I'll be ruined. 37 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,969 Maps to movie stars' homes! 38 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:19,180 Mapas por las casas de la cineastas. 39 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:22,225 Top-u stah noh cheezu map-u. 40 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,729 Excuse me. Are you Drew Barrymore? 41 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,983 What? Get out of here. I'm hung over. 42 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,152 -Sorry, Miss Barrymore. -What? 43 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,987 -(gavel pounding) -QUIMBY: Are there 44 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:37,031 any suggestions for how to attract more tourism? 45 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,366 -Mmm. -Mmm. 46 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,410 The easiest way to be popular 47 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,996 is to leech off the popularity of others. 48 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,455 So we propose changing 49 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,207 our name from "Springfield" 50 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,834 to "Seinfeld." 51 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,211 ♪♪ (bass riff) 52 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:53,006 I may be just a boy, but I have an idea. 53 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,383 If I may, I'd like to show you a few slides. 54 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,510 Here's Springfield as it appears from space. 55 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,598 Somewhere in this windy valley is the Lost Dutchman's Mine. 56 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,391 Young man, that appears to be a picture 57 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,475 of your rear end. 58 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,977 So long, suckers! 59 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,521 -Whoa! -(crowd gasps) 60 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,190 Aw! This is the last time 61 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,817 I use an escape plan devised by Milhouse. 62 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,360 Uh, sorry, Bart. 63 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,405 I'm Marge Simpson, and I have an idea. 64 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:18,990 (all groaning) 65 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,950 Marge is going to say something. 66 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:24,412 Now I know you haven't liked some of my past suggestions 67 00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:27,123 like switching to the metric system... 68 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,126 The metric system is the tool of the devil! 69 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,171 My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead, 70 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:36,382 and that's the way I likes it. 71 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,760 The old person's remarks will be stricken from the record. 72 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,053 Who said that? 73 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,138 But my new idea is different. 74 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,349 I think we should hold a film festival 75 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,142 and give out prizes. 76 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,186 Could we make our own movies and enter them? 77 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:51,814 -Yes. -At last, an excuse to wear makeup! 78 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,901 All in favor of Marge Simpson's film festival idea... 79 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,444 ALL: Film festival! 80 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:57,612 Film festival! 81 00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,821 You like my idea? 82 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,241 Actually, I have several others-- 83 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,076 ALL: Don't push your luck! 84 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,744 Don't push your luck! 85 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,329 (groaning) 86 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,081 And... action! 87 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,166 Hello. I'm Bart Simpson. 88 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,627 In the past, I've brought you such classic films 89 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:15,630 as Homer in the Shower and Homer on the Toilet. 90 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:19,008 And now I give you The Eternal Struggle. 91 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,468 (grunting) 92 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,804 "Relaxed fit," my Aunt Fanny. 93 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:23,972 Stupid Dockers. 94 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:24,973 (grunts) 95 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,600 Oh, the belt is buckled. 96 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:28,810 (laughs) 97 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,687 (grunting) 98 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,940 Now Maude, in our movie, you lay baby Moses in the basket 99 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:35,942 then put it among the reeds. 100 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:38,152 Okay? Lights! Camera! 101 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,822 A-diddily-doddily- doodilly-action, Jackson! 102 00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,076 (gasps) 103 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:51,833 Help me-e-e-e-e-e! 104 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,419 Flanders to God, Flanders to God. 105 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,754 Get off your cloud and save my Todd! 106 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,047 (thunder rumbling) 107 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:01,968 (sighs) 108 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:04,637 ALL: Yay! 109 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,139 Thanks, God. 110 00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,390 Okely-dokely. 111 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,392 What are you doing, Ma? 112 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,561 I'm looking for a film critic to help judge our festival. 113 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,647 Did you know there are over 600 critics on TV, 114 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,733 and Leonard Maltin's the best-looking of them all? 115 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:17,817 Ew! 116 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,652 Welcome to Coming Attractions. 117 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,571 I'm your host, Jay Sherman. 118 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:22,655 Thank you. 119 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,532 Tonight, we review 120 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,618 an aging Charles Bronson in Death Wish Nine. 121 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,663 I wish I was dead. Oy! 122 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,498 But first, we have a special guest. 123 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,167 Rainer Wolfcastle-- 124 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,754 star of the reprehensible McBain movies. 125 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,213 Jay, my new film 126 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,632 is a mix of action und comedy. 127 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,802 It's called McBain: Let's Get Silly. 128 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,679 Did you ever notice 129 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,640 how men always leave the toilet seat up? 130 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,975 That's the joke. 131 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:53,394 MAN: You suck, McBain! 132 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,397 (crowd screaming) 133 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,733 And now, my Woody Allen impression. 134 00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:00,610 "I'm a neurotic nerd 135 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,612 who likes to sleep with little girls." 136 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,947 MAN: Hey, that really sucked! 137 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,162 The film is just me in front of a brick wall 138 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,789 for an hour and a half. 139 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,375 It cost $80 million. 140 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,293 How do you sleep at night? 141 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,003 On top of a pile of money 142 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,838 with many beautiful ladies. 143 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,299 Just asking. Eesh! 144 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,344 I like him. He's smart, he's sensitive, 145 00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,471 he's clearly not obsessed with his physical appearance. 146 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,431 My ears are burning. 147 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,934 Uh, I wasn't talking about you, Dad. 148 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,352 Well, my ears are really burning. 149 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,813 I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip. 150 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,523 Mmm. 151 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:39,941 MARGE: Dear Mr. Sherman, 152 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,859 on behalf of the people of Springfield, 153 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,362 I would like to invite you to judge our film festival. 154 00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,406 You can stay with us 155 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,991 and enjoy the sights and sounds of the country. 156 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,785 HOMER: Marge, is this a pimple or a boil? 157 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,495 MARGE: Just a minute, Homer. 158 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:55,039 Oh! Look what you made me write. 159 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,291 Anyway, we think you'll really enjoy our quiet little town. 160 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,085 Sincerely, Marge Simpson. 161 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:02,630 Hmm... do I really want to leave Manhattan? 162 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:05,925 Sherman, I just realized, you insulted me. 163 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,468 Now you will die. 164 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,430 Uh, hey, Nudnick, your shoe's untied. 165 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,515 From here, they appear to be tied, 166 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,684 but I will go in for a closer look. 167 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,103 Taxi! 168 00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,563 To the airport! 169 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:25,027 On closer inspection, these are loafers. 170 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,369 MAN (on P.A.): Attention. The flight from New York has arrived. 171 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,787 MAN 2: Hey, I'm landing here! 172 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,502 It's supposed to say Jay's name, not yours. 173 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,254 Oh, you're right. 174 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:47,925 There you-- D'oh! 175 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,219 Just a second. 176 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,014 -That's it... D'oh! -Hello. 177 00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,600 I'm Marge Simpson, and this is my husband, Homer. 178 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,185 Oh, nice to meet you, Marge. 179 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,061 I saw your hair from the plane. 180 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,481 And you must be the man who didn't know 181 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,316 if he had a pimple or a boil. 182 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,776 It was a Gummi Bear. 183 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,988 Coming up next-- The Flintstones Meet The Jetsons. 184 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:12,450 Uh-oh. I smell another cheap cartoon crossover. 185 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:15,161 Bart Simpson, meet Jay Sherman, the critic. 186 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:16,287 Hello. 187 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,747 Hey, man, I really love your show. 188 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,790 I think all kids should watch it. 189 00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,460 Ew... I suddenly feel so dirty. 190 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,717 I don't know what's happening. 191 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,220 It seems our profits have dropped 37%. 192 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,263 I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir. 193 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,682 Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre. 194 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,352 I ought to club them and eat their bones. 195 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,896 Heh-heh. Well, maybe this film festival could help us. 196 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,607 A film biography might let them get to know the real you-- 197 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,610 virtuous, heroic, nubile... 198 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,570 You left out pleasant! 199 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,948 But I like that film biography idea-- 200 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:54,450 a slick Hollywood picture to gloss over 201 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:58,037 my evil rise to power like Bugsy or Working Girl. 202 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,123 -Get me Steven Spielberg. -He's unavailable. 203 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,418 Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent. 204 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,463 Listen Señor Spielbergo, I want you to do for me 205 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,549 what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler. 206 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:10,883 Schindler es bueno. 207 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,135 Señor Burns es el diablo. 208 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,430 Listen Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. 209 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,015 We're both factory owners. 210 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,017 We both made shells for the Nazis, 211 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,852 but mine worked, damn it. 212 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,980 Now go out there and win me that festival. 213 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,152 Homer, the guest should get the last pork chop. 214 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,488 But I'm still hungry. 215 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,532 (stomach snarling) 216 00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,534 (stomachs growling) 217 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,995 (both barking) 218 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,038 (whining) 219 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,375 Mr. Sherman, 220 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,669 I understand you have two Pulitzer Prizes. 221 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,964 Well, it's not like I carry them around with me. 222 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,633 Ooh, it's so hot in here. 223 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,344 Oh, look, here's my People's Choice award. 224 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,096 Five Golden Globes. 225 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,016 Hmm... 226 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:01,684 Where's my Emmy? 227 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,269 (coughs) 228 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,562 Thank you. 229 00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,022 Yeah, well, I won 230 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,065 the belching contest at work. 231 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,275 (belches) 232 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,652 (all laughing) 233 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,613 Very nice, Homer. 234 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,991 (loud, deep belch) 235 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,868 (car alarms wailing) 236 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:24,290 Wow, how many Pulitzer Prize winners 237 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,625 can do that? 238 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,668 Just me and Eudora Welty. 239 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,086 (doorbell rings) 240 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,463 Oh, I invited my sisters over. 241 00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:31,714 Ooh, sisters. 242 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,215 Allow me. 243 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,428 (Jay screaming) 244 00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:39,680 So then I said to Woody Allen, 245 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:44,310 "Well, Camus can do, but Sartre is smartre." 246 00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:45,478 So original. 247 00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,438 MARGE: How droll. 248 00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:51,400 Yeah, well, "Scooby-doo can doo-doo, 249 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,654 but Jimmy Carter is smarter." 250 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,450 (wind blows) 251 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:02,119 Okay, Sherman, you're a movie expert. 252 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,871 So tell us, who's gay? 253 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,081 Oh, I don't know. 254 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:06,374 Harvey Fierstein. 255 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,376 -No! -Who else? 256 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:09,377 Uh... 257 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,670 (whispering) 258 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,505 Oh, MacGyver's gay. 259 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:13,506 (growling) 260 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:14,507 (growling) 261 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,841 (whimpering) 262 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,177 (giggling) 263 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,347 (chuckling) You badmouthed MacGyver, didn't you? 264 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:24,433 (babbling) 265 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,811 What you doing, Marge? 266 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,979 Making out the jury list for the film festival. 267 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,357 Mayor Quimby, Krusty, Jay... 268 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,858 (giggles) 269 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,236 Marge, do you respect my intelligence? 270 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,781 Yes. 271 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,909 Okay. Wait a minute. 272 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,744 Why did it take you so long to say yes? 273 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:47,498 No reason. 274 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:48,916 Okay. 275 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:50,459 Wait a minute. 276 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,002 Are you humoring me? 277 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,631 Yes. 278 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,924 Okay. 279 00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,759 Wait a minute. That's bad. 280 00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:01,846 Look, I know I'm not witty like that critic guy, 281 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:05,599 but does he know all the words to the Oscar Mayer song? 282 00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:09,603 ♪ Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener ♪ 283 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:13,441 ♪ That is what I'd truly like to be ♪ 284 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:17,278 ♪ 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener ♪ 285 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:22,616 ♪ Everyone would be in love with me... ♪ 286 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:28,038 (howling) 287 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,498 That's it, Marge. 288 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,625 He knows the whole hot dog song. 289 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,669 Go ahead. Sleep with him. 290 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,921 I'll just take a lock of your hair 291 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,007 to remember you by. 292 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,134 It's just you and me now, lock of hair. 293 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:41,927 You don't have to do this. 294 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,554 Yeah? Well you think I'm stupid. 295 00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:45,681 I don't think you're stupid. 296 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,600 Prove it-- put me on that film jury festival thing. 297 00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:49,810 Fine, you're on the jury. 298 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,437 (sighs) 299 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,194 Sir, the actors are here to audition 300 00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,737 for the part of you. 301 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:00,821 Excellent. 302 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,367 Excellent. 303 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,619 (slurping) 304 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,621 -Next. -Exc-ell-ent. 305 00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:13,167 -Next. -Exactly... D'oh! 306 00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,669 -Next. -Excellente. 307 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,004 Es muy bueno. 308 00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:18,130 Oh, it's hopeless. 309 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,924 I'll have to play myself. 310 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,762 Oh, I thought they were playing 311 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,764 the Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight. 312 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,851 Our first film is by Indian director 313 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,394 Apu Nahassapemapetilan. 314 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,105 Bright Lights, Beef Jerky. 315 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,650 Help! Help! Police! 316 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,693 I got problems of my own right now. 317 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,488 Oh, boy. This is going to get worse before it gets better. 318 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,115 (applause) 319 00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:49,203 Next, we have Moe the Bartender in Moe Better Booze. 320 00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,455 ♪ Money gets you ♪ 321 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,374 ♪ One more round, drink it down ♪ 322 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:54,625 ♪ You stupid clown ♪ 323 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,669 ♪ Money gets you one more round ♪ 324 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,963 ♪ Then you're out on your ass ♪ 325 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,214 Whoa! 326 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:01,674 Ah, my back! 327 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,634 (applause) 328 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,060 Ooh! 329 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,357 This contest is over. 330 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,235 Give that man the $10,000. 331 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,154 This isn't America's Funniest Home Videos. 332 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,824 But the ball... his groin. 333 00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:31,412 It works on so many levels. 334 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,038 Roll it again. 335 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,249 Next, they're going to show my movie. 336 00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,959 You made a movie? 337 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,961 I made a movie? 338 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,422 No wonder I was on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. 339 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,382 ♪♪ 340 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,763 My name is Barney Gumble. 341 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,265 I'm 40... 342 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,308 I am single... 343 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,350 and I drink. 344 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,986 There's a line in Othello about a drinker. 345 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,488 "Now a sensible man 346 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,990 "by and by a fool 347 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,366 and presently a beast!" 348 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,368 That pretty well covers it. 349 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,583 It's brilliant. 350 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,293 Savagely honest, tender... 351 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,086 he has the soul of a poet. 352 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,671 You're very kind. 353 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,382 Excuse me. Did something crawl down your throat and die? 354 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,884 It didn't die. 355 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,595 My name is Barney, and I'm an alcoholic. 356 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,139 Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting. 357 00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:36,268 Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem? 358 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:43,651 Don't cry for me. 359 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,611 I'm already dead. 360 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,539 (cheering) 361 00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,832 (honking) 362 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,125 I think we have a winner. 363 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,293 What'd I miss? 364 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,045 Homer! Please pay attention. 365 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,672 There's just one more movie. 366 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,186 Simple villagers, I promise you. 367 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,523 I will close plants in America and bring work here. 368 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,108 Viva, Señor Burns. 369 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:26,527 All: Viva! Viva! 370 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,655 Whoa!! 371 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,536 We did 20 takes, and that was the best one. 372 00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,162 Remember, Elliott. 373 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,914 I'll be right here. 374 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,928 -Pure egotism. -Self-indulgent tripe. 375 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,388 I don't care what they say. 376 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,515 I'm going to win this festival. 377 00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,695 Drink up, Judah Ben-hur. 378 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,701 You truly are the king of kings. 379 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,412 Excellent. 380 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,124 All: Boo!! 381 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,293 Smithers, are they booing me? 382 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:28,839 Uh, no, they're saying, "buu-urns, buu-urns." 383 00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,508 Are you saying "boo" or "buu-urns?" 384 00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,802 all: Boo!! 385 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,346 I was saying, "buu-urns." 386 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,521 Alright it's time to vote for the grand prize. 387 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,440 I vote for Barney Gumble's 388 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:50,277 sensitive, yet unfortunately titled film Puke-a-hantas. 389 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,821 -Second. -Well I vote for Burns's movie. 390 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,823 Me, too. Now let's get going. 391 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,784 I got a date with Eudora Welty. 392 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,160 (loud burp) 393 00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,828 Coming, Eudora. 394 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,999 Excellent. 395 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,960 Bribing those two judges has paid off 396 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,797 just as it did during the Miss Teen America pageant. 397 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,007 How can you vote for Burns's movie? 398 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,842 Let's just say it moved me... 399 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,594 to a bigger house! 400 00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:18,972 Oops! I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet. 401 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,099 Oh, dear. 402 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:21,475 Two to two. 403 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,227 Well, Homer, it all comes down to you. 404 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,228 Football in the groin! 405 00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,105 Football in the groin! 406 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,732 Well, we're not going to resolve this deadlock any time soon. 407 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,193 Why don't we all take a five-minute break? 408 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,444 It'll clear our heads. 409 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:33,654 Good idea, Marge. 410 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,406 My mind is going a mile a minute. 411 00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,662 I knew this would happen. 412 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:42,996 I put you on the jury 413 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,040 and you vote for the stupidest film. 414 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,042 I have every right to be on that jury 415 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,585 even though I got there 416 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,587 by sleeping with the head of the festival. 417 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,923 How many times have I heard Rex Reed say that? 418 00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:55,008 Aw great, now you're going to make fun of me. 419 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,927 No, Homer, I won't make fun, 420 00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,763 but I will suggest that there may be better things in life 421 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,225 than seeing a man get hit in the groin with a football. 422 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,768 Nelson: Ha, ha! 423 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:07,271 -Well, Homer? -Marge... 424 00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,481 I've got some serious thinking to do. 425 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:15,112 Hmm... Barney's movie had heart, 426 00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,740 but football in the groin had a football in the groin. 427 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,826 BARNEY: Don't cry for me. 428 00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,536 I'm already dead. 429 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:25,080 Wow. I'll never drink another beer. 430 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,166 -Beer here! -I'll take ten. 431 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,877 And now to announce the winners. 432 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,046 The award for Outstanding Animated Short goes to: 433 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,299 Itchy and Scratchy for their film 434 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:38,552 Four Funerals and a Wedding. 435 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,237 (laughing) 436 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,197 (gasps) 437 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:04,953 (laughter) 438 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:08,373 And now, the winner of the grand prize. 439 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,709 (drum roll) 440 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,544 Barney Gumble. 441 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,379 (cheering) 442 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,340 (moans) 443 00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,843 Homie, you voted for the right movie. 444 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:23,305 I'm glad you were on the jury. 445 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,849 Aw... you know something, Marge? 446 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,061 It's not that tough being a film cricket. 447 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,855 I've learned I have a gift to share with the world. 448 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,983 From now on, there'll be a new Barnard Gumble-- 449 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,819 hard-working, clean and sober. 450 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:41,531 Congratulations, Barney, and enjoy your grand prize-- 451 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,284 a lifetime supply of Duff beer. 452 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,745 Just hook it to my veins! 453 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:50,916 LISA: Good-bye, Mr. Sherman. 454 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,084 If I ever play Carnegie Hall, 455 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:53,543 I'll give you a call. 456 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,671 And if you ever want to visit my show... 457 00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,422 Nah, we're not going to be doing that. 458 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,883 Well, Jay, I hope you tell your New York friends 459 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,803 that people in small towns arent quite as dumb as they think. 460 00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,054 Marge, look. 461 00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,681 This has spring snakes inside, 462 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,433 but the suckers will think it's beer nuts. 463 00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,435 Mmm, beer nuts. 464 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,645 D'oh! 465 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,689 Well, it was a lovely festival. 466 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,066 The best movie won, and Mr. Burns found 467 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:18,610 there are some awards that can't be bought. 468 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,196 And the Oscar goes to... 469 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,990 I've got to win this one. 470 00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:24,992 I bribed everyone in Hollywood. 471 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:28,453 George C. Scott in Man Getting Hit by Football. 472 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,956 (grunting) 473 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:33,959 (cheering) 474 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,378 Arr! My groin! 475 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,088 (moaning) 476 00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:46,221 ♪♪ 477 00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:31,141 Shh! 478 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:37,397 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.