1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,510 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,849 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:18,226 -Ahh! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:19,936 ♪♪ (007 theme) 6 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:38,079 ♪♪ ("Star Wars" theme) 7 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,126 Aren't you glad we got out of the house 8 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,003 and came downtown for a little culture? 9 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:48,423 Heh. They're butchering the classics. 10 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,967 Could that bassoon have come in any more late? 11 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,302 Oh, come on, Homer. 12 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,428 There's lasers. 13 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:54,929 You like lasers. 14 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,806 Laser effects, mirrored balls-- 15 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,809 John Williams must be rolling around in his grave. 16 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,104 ♪♪ (music segues into "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star") 17 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:06,649 (laughing) Deviliciously satirical. 18 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,109 I wonder if anyone else got that. 19 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:10,445 We're outta here. 20 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:13,740 Whoa. Careful, now. 21 00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:15,408 These are dangerous streets 22 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,786 for us upper-lower- middle-class types, 23 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,747 so avoid eye contact, watch your pocketbook 24 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,415 and suspect everyone. 25 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:23,500 Three-card monte. 26 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,876 Whoo-hoo! Easy money! 27 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,961 Homer, these games are fixed. 28 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,922 Then how come that guy's winning? 29 00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:31,925 Whoa... I, like, totally won again. 30 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,343 Way to go, bro. 31 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,595 He looks and acts just like the dealer. 32 00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:38,640 I think they're related, or at least in cahoots. 33 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:41,768 Just pick the red card. It's totally not hard. 34 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,148 20 on this one, my good man. 35 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,150 Sorry, dude. 36 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,610 Black. 37 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,406 Homer, he cheated you! 38 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,450 (crowd yelling) 39 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,702 Surely, you don't blame me. 40 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,371 It's people like you 41 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,873 who are ruining our downtown promenades and piazzas. 42 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,793 How dare you prey on the greedy and stupid like this. 43 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:07,919 Buh-bye. 44 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,420 Somebody stop him! 45 00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,007 He's getting away! 46 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,592 Come on! Come on! 47 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:15,969 No! Marge! 48 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,639 (gasping and groaning) 49 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,811 (wheezing) 50 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:43,913 (gasps) 51 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,251 Uh, I must warn you... 52 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,378 um... sometimes ordinary people 53 00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:53,006 (stammering) g-get, uh, uh, 54 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,841 a surge of adrenaline. 55 00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,301 Yee...! 56 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,385 Ooh! 57 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,013 See? 58 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,347 Cuff him, boys. 59 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,891 We're putting this dirtbag away. 60 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:06,811 Huh. I'll be back on the street in 24 hours. 61 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,397 We'll try to make it 12. 62 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,860 (gasping and wheezing) 63 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,695 Marge, are you okay? 64 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,071 I think I'm okay. 65 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,699 It was scary, but, in a weird way, 66 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,201 it was also kind of exhilarating. 67 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,952 Yes, it is exhilarating 68 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,079 to see the police get their man 69 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,581 and save a hysterical woman. 70 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,000 Oh, for crying out loud. 71 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:33,171 Easy now, sweetheart. Homey's here. 72 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:36,174 Hey, Mom, is this how you caught him? 73 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,344 Face it, Lis, you're too puny to-- 74 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:40,720 Aah! Oh... 75 00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:41,721 (snickering) 76 00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,223 Lisa, unhand your brother. 77 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,891 (laughing) 78 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:47,310 Yeah, like that really hurt. 79 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,728 (groaning) 80 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,189 Mom, was catching that guy 81 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,691 the most incredibly exciting thing you've ever done? 82 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,693 Well, it was pretty exciting. 83 00:03:55,777 --> 00:04:00,573 But celery soup's pretty exciting, too. 84 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,076 Mm... mm... 85 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,329 mm... mm... 86 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:15,421 Strange. Regular ham doesn't thrill me anymore. 87 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:19,425 Hmm. I'm crossing over to deviled ham. 88 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,057 Whoo! 89 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,572 Mmm... 90 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,533 Marge! 91 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,035 Hey, Mrs. Simpson, I just got 92 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,829 the new issue of "Sponge and Vacuum." 93 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,664 Thanks, Benevenstanciano. 94 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,252 Hmm... 95 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,296 death sports. 96 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,845 Hmm... 97 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,389 -(sirens wailing) -(tires screeching) 98 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,183 WIGGUM: All right, get in there. 99 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,435 You're going down. 100 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:11,686 I want a piece of him. 101 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:14,522 You think you're pretty hot, huh? 102 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:17,692 Well, we got everything we need on you. 103 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,193 Excuse me. 104 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:22,030 What? What? What? What? This better be about pizza. 105 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:26,284 Actually, I'm interested in becoming a police officer. 106 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:29,245 (raucous laughter) 107 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,048 (all gasping and sighing) 108 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,799 Whew! 109 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:42,800 Welcome aboard. 110 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:45,345 HOMER: You did what?! 111 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,055 I borrowed your nail clipper. 112 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,348 What's the big deal? 113 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,766 Nothing. I'm just a little edgy 114 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,018 since your mother told me she wants to be a cop. 115 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,437 Cool. Will you bring me along when you do evictions? 116 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,397 You got it, little buddy. 117 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,025 Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! 118 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,318 Which makes me the woman! 119 00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,195 And I have no interest in that-- 120 00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:04,197 besides occasionally wearing the underwear 121 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,991 which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. 122 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,911 Homer, there's no reason for you to feel threatened. 123 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,914 You'll always be the man of this house. 124 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,791 Aw, thanks, honey. 125 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,711 All right, you scrawny beanpoles, 126 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:22,090 becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. 127 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,593 It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge. 128 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:27,011 Forget about the badge! 129 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,013 When do we get the freakin' guns?! 130 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,265 Hey. I told you, you don't get your gun 131 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,767 until you tell me your name. 132 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:36,854 I've had it up to here with your "rules"! 133 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,621 Heh. Women always have trouble with the wall. 134 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:56,165 Can't ever seem to find the door. 135 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,171 (gunshots) 136 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,185 Tsk, tsk, tsk. You missed the baby. 137 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,353 You missed the blind man... 138 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,521 (groaning) 139 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:21,023 (tires squealing) 140 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:33,870 Oh, sorry, Simpson. 141 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,496 Now you'll have to do the course again. 142 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,249 I was trying to get this magic eye thing to work. 143 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,335 Ah, look at that! A pony! 144 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,049 MARGE: Hey, everybody! 145 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,384 Mom's home. 146 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,677 (gasping) 147 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:54,765 They didn't have my size shirt, but you get the idea. 148 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,314 Wow, Mom, I never pictured you 149 00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,232 as any kind of authority figure before. 150 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,358 Marge, I want you 151 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,611 to take care of yourself out there. 152 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,404 You've become very dear to me. 153 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,239 Oh, Homey, of course I will. 154 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,783 Mom, if someone shot at the mayor, would you have to 155 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,702 throw yourself in front of him and take the bullet? 156 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:15,995 I suppose I would. 157 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,371 What if they shot a Coke machine? 158 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:18,414 No. 159 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,582 -A TV? -No. 160 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,209 TV with a picture of the mayor on it? 161 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,461 Whatever you do, Mom, we'll be proud of you. 162 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:24,795 Well, thank you, honey. 163 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,089 As long as it's constitutional. 164 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,508 Mm... 165 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,343 Homer, give me my pepper spray. 166 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:33,888 Aw, Marge. One squirt and you're south of the border. 167 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,851 Mmm... incapacitating. 168 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,770 Ahh... 169 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:44,065 (indistinct chatter) 170 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:46,692 WIGGUM: All right, settle, people. People, settle! 171 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,029 People! Wood and Van Zylen, stake out Donutland. 172 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,323 When they fry up a fresh batch, call it in. 173 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,158 Keneally and Earhart, back 'em up. 174 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,577 Fitz and Garcia, it's your turn to sleep in. 175 00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,541 And, Simpson-- seeing how this 176 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,919 is your first day, you're inexperienced and vulnerable. 177 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,922 Your beat is Junkyville and Bumtown. 178 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,221 Hello, Mr. Hutz. 179 00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:16,681 I'll have you know 180 00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:18,266 the contents of that dumpster are private. 181 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,560 You stick your nose in, you'll be violating 182 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,478 attorney-dumpster confidentiality. 183 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,272 I just wanted to say hello. 184 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,356 Oh. 185 00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,108 Hello. 186 00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:29,068 (chuckling) 187 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,246 So, you are the new cop on the beat. 188 00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,914 Okay, I know the drill. 189 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,791 What will it be-- 100? 200? 190 00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:44,792 200. 191 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,836 No, no. I mean, nothing. 192 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:47,878 I don't take bribes. 193 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,006 Yes, of course you don't. 194 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,633 I will just leave this money on the table 195 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:56,012 with my unseeing back to the money, on the table. 196 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,388 Apu, no. 197 00:09:58,639 --> 00:09:59,849 Mm. 198 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,144 BOTH: That's better. 199 00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:05,646 -(siren wailing) -(loud arguing) 200 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,024 MAN: This is why I can't bear 201 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,735 to be in this house! 202 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:13,321 I got a report on a domestic disturbance at this address. 203 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,864 Yes, indeed there is. 204 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,699 There's an inflatable bath pillow 205 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,576 that mother and I both enjoy. 206 00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,870 She claimed it was her day to use it. 207 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,913 I maintained she was mistaken. We quarreled. 208 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,041 Later, as I prepared to bathe, 209 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,001 I noticed to my horror 210 00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:29,795 that someone had slashed the pillow. 211 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,714 Mm-hmm. Who called the police? 212 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,132 BOTH: We both did. 213 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:35,217 Look, why don't you two settle down. 214 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,261 I'm sure you can get another pillow. 215 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,639 Well, I could send it back to Taiwan for repair. 216 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,350 But why should I have to? I've done nothing wrong, 217 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,394 and I don't give permission for my face to be on TV. 218 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,021 I want it blurred. 219 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,981 LISA: So Mom, 220 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,524 what are you gonna do with your day off? 221 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,194 I just want to relax and forget 222 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,404 that I'm part of that thin blue line 223 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,366 which stands between civilization and chaos. 224 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,992 (sighs) 225 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,911 Bart, it's illegal 226 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,163 for you to operate that class nine vehicle 227 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:05,706 without pads and a helmet. 228 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,917 -But, Mom-- -It's for your own safety. 229 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,835 (grunting) 230 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,171 Take that, safety boy. 231 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,715 This padding's so easy on the knuckles, 232 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,592 I could punch all day. 233 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,094 (Bart groaning) 234 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,764 I just hope they have Us magazine in heaven. 235 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,767 He said it was his day to use the tub pillow. 236 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,561 I can't go to the library anymore, everybody stinks. 237 00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,397 (all talking at once) 238 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,693 Don't stop talking on account of me. 239 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,569 I may be a cop, but I'm still your friend. 240 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,990 So, how are you, Mrs. Krabappel? 241 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:41,409 Law-abiding. 242 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,576 I'm done. 243 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,665 Moe! I've never seen you here before. 244 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,000 Well, these days my roots don't stay 245 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,713 so chestnut on their own, Officer Simpson. 246 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,090 You don't have to call me officer. 247 00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,174 I'm not on duty here. 248 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,175 Finished. 249 00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,719 (banging) 250 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:00,761 (gasping) 251 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:01,929 Oh. 252 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,889 (chuckles) It looks nice. 253 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,891 It's a good length for you. 254 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,059 (laughing) 255 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,144 (sighing) 256 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,729 (whistling) 257 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,942 Mom's police tape isn't a toy, Dad. 258 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,569 Shush, dear. 259 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:19,029 You'll wreck Daddy's fun. 260 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,198 ♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪ 261 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,491 ♪ Bringing in... ♪ 262 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,868 Oh, my Lord! 263 00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,453 Something horrible has happened! 264 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,705 (laughing) 265 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,791 Fooled you, Flanders! 266 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,502 Made you think your family was dead. 267 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,591 Did you get it? 268 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,842 (faint laughing) 269 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:43,137 -They're not, though. -No? 270 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,597 -But you thought they were. -Yeah. 271 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,099 That's why it was so funny. 272 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:50,394 -But they're not. -That's a good one. 273 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:53,856 And that's the drunk tank, and this is Mommy's desk. 274 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,816 Mom, I know your intentions are good, 275 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,777 but aren't the police a protective force that 276 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,653 maintains the status quo for the wealthy elites? 277 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:00,988 Don't you think we ought to 278 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,865 attack the roots of social problems 279 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,159 instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons? 280 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,872 Look, Lisa-- it's McGriff the crime dog. 281 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,749 (low voice) Hello, Lisa. 282 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,835 Help me bite crime. Ruff, ruff. 283 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,130 Hey, great news, guys. 284 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:21,091 I picked up a nudie deck for our game. 285 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,968 "The Girls of the Internet." 286 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,763 Ooh, I'd go on line with them any day. 287 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,765 (laughing) 288 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,100 Hey, hey, we've offended Herman. 289 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,853 No. I'm just going out for some fresh air. 290 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,856 Geez, that guy sure likes his fresh air. 291 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,442 None of that for me. 292 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,861 Oh... (coughing) 293 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,279 Oh, yeah... yeah. 294 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,781 Hey, Homer, you sure it's okay 295 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,282 to smoke Cuban cigars and gamble here 296 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,575 now that your wife's a cop? 297 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,285 Are you kidding? 298 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,704 Being a cop husband is one mighty sweet deal. 299 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:54,333 This police radio entertains me with other people's miseries. 300 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:57,461 We get a free funeral for Marge-- God forbid-- 301 00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:01,674 and I can run background checks on whomever I want... Mohammar. 302 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:05,803 Homer, please, please. Ix-nay on the Ohammar-may. 303 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:07,972 Hey, hurry up with the cards, Lenny. 304 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:10,558 I've got you clocked at two miles per hour. 305 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,684 Come on, put that away. 306 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,227 Those radar guns give you cancer. 307 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,855 All the more reason to hurry up. 308 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,648 Hey, what could be going a hundred miles per-- Oh! 309 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,608 (gasps) 310 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,653 Illegal gambling in my house? 311 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:25,865 Your house? Your house? 312 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:29,201 It's so glamorously decorated, I thought I was in Vegas. 313 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,744 You guys lied to me. 314 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:31,912 You said it was Vegas. 315 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,873 We'll be going. 316 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,624 We don't want no trouble here, officer. 317 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,918 Marge, you chased away all my poker buddies. 318 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,670 I didn't mean to. 319 00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:41,589 You've become such a cop. 320 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,383 Not that long ago, you were so much more to me. 321 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,052 You were a cleaner of pots, a sewer of buttons, 322 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,388 an unplugger of hairy clogs. 323 00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,015 I'm still all those things. 324 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:53,684 Only now I'm cleaning up the city, 325 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,436 sewing together the social fabric, 326 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:58,230 and unplugging the clogs of our legal system. 327 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,815 You're cooking what for dinner? 328 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,736 (thinking) Everywhere I look, 329 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:05,863 someone is breaking the law. 330 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,073 Dog, no leash. 331 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,075 Man, littering. 332 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,578 Horse not wearing diaper. 333 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:16,749 Car parked across three handicapped spaces. 334 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,959 -Homer! -Hey, Marge. 335 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,794 How's my little piglet? 336 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,296 Homer, I'm on duty. 337 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,798 That's okay. I'm supposed to be working too. 338 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,383 You have to move your car. 339 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,844 I'll just be a second, Marge. 340 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,763 I'm going to get some beer for those kids over there. 341 00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,767 I'm gonna pretend that I didn't hear that, 342 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,936 but you have to move your car now. 343 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,479 I'll be right back. 344 00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:40,898 Now keep your eyes peeled for a real cop. 345 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,150 That's it. I'm gonna write you a ticket. 346 00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:46,028 -Come on, we're family! -You're breaking the law. 347 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:49,031 I'll make you a deal-- you rip up that ticket, 348 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,616 and I'll give you back your hat. 349 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,659 -Hey! -Whoo! Whoo! 350 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,869 Hee hee hee hee. 351 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,621 (indistinct chatter) 352 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,331 Homer! 353 00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,125 Taking an officer's cap is an arrestable offense. 354 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,628 Ooh, what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do? 355 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,505 (falsetto) Ooh, I'm officer Marge. 356 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:05,881 I'm going to arrest you. 357 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,716 Ooh-- What? 358 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,510 Oh, Marge, not here. 359 00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:12,888 Hey, you're not really arresting me? 360 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,848 You have the right to remain silent. 361 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,976 I choose to waive that right. 362 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:20,938 (screaming) 363 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,569 All right, Simpson, you're free to go. 364 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,280 Let me just finish this last lobster tail 365 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,281 and raspberry torte. 366 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,328 All right, Hans, time to go. 367 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,706 But he ate my last meal. 368 00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,582 Well, if that's the worst thing that happens to you today, 369 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,501 consider yourself lucky. 370 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:44,878 Are you really allowed to execute people 371 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,046 in a local jail? 372 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,840 From this point on, no talking. 373 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:54,805 I'm sorry I had to arrest you, Homer, 374 00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,724 but what I did was right. 375 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,350 Someday when you really need it, you'll be happy 376 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,477 there are dedicated cops like me out there. 377 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,479 I have nothing more to say to you, Marge. 378 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,398 I'm drawing a line down the center of the house, 379 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:06,066 a la "I Love Lucy." 380 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,319 You stay on your side, and I'll stay on my side. 381 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:11,613 D'oh! 382 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,198 Boy, when Marge first told me 383 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,492 she was going to the Police Academy, 384 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,953 I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know, 385 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,955 like that movie-- "Spaceballs." 386 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,373 But, instead, it's been painful and disturbing 387 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,292 like that movie "Police Academy." 388 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,336 Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. 389 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,714 After this case and the other case, 390 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,507 there's only one case left. 391 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,509 (muffled) Yeah, yeah. Barney's right. 392 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,387 (deep voice) Yeah. Let's get some more beer. 393 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,222 Yeah. What about some beer? Yeah, Barney's right. 394 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,308 All right, guys, pipe down. 395 00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,310 I got some more in the garage. 396 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,146 I'll get it for you, Homer. 397 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,608 Hmm. I wonder why he's so eager to go to the garage. 398 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:50,402 The garage? Hey, fellas, the garage. 399 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:53,238 Ooh, la-di-da, Mr. French man. 400 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,490 What do you call it? 401 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:55,532 A car hole. 402 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,789 You're late, Herman. 403 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,707 Surely, you don't mind 404 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,085 waiting for merchandise of this quality, Mr. Jericho. 405 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,253 Huh. Looks like good stuff. 406 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:11,090 But, of course, I'll have to sample it first. 407 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:14,635 -These are fabulous. -Yeah. 408 00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:18,806 Who would suspect that they're counterfeit jeans? 409 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,808 And what better place to make the buy 410 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,518 than in a cop's garage 411 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,353 where no one would suspect a thing. 412 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,105 (both snickering) 413 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:31,193 (laughter getting progressively louder) 414 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,654 Herman, I had to come out here to see what's so funny. 415 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,364 (gasps) 416 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,282 A counterfeit jeans ring operating out of my car hole! 417 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,909 I'm gonna tell everyone. 418 00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:39,993 Wait here. 419 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,662 Not so fast. 420 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,038 Okay. 421 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,708 Maybe you should just stop entirely. 422 00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,212 Herman, how could you? 423 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,422 We've all thought about counterfeiting jeans 424 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,217 at one time or another, but what about the victims? 425 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,719 Hardworking designers like Calvin Klein, 426 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,722 Gloria Vanderbilt, or Antoine Bugle Boy. 427 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,725 These are the people who saw an overcrowded marketplace 428 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,269 and said, "me too." 429 00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:07,271 Advance on him, men. 430 00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:10,482 I don't think that's a very good idea. 431 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,900 Oh, no. 432 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,652 It's Gloria Vanderbilt, out for revenge. 433 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:18,073 No. It's Officer Simpson, of the police. 434 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,706 Herman, your beef is with me. 435 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:26,957 Leave the girl out of this! 436 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,083 Okay. 437 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,668 (gasps) Homer! 438 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:31,253 It's too late for me, Marge. 439 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,338 Sell the jeans and live like a queen! 440 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,010 Is Bart home? 441 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,928 Just taking Maggie for a stroll. 442 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,435 Well, I guess I am putting up the Halloweenie decorations 443 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,644 a little early. 444 00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,438 Criticism accepted. 445 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,398 -(groans) -HOMER: Marge! 446 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,069 Bust him, Mom! (cheering) 447 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,321 Go back to bed. 448 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,406 Don't make me come up there. 449 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:00,490 (both groan) 450 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,786 (muffled groaning) 451 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,788 Looks like your wife 452 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,916 is embarking up the wrong tree. 453 00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,129 Freeze! 454 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,756 Every mother knows 455 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:17,674 the secret entrance to her son's tree house. 456 00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:21,011 Oh, Marge, you saved my life. 457 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,930 I'm sorry I teased you. 458 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,932 You're a really good cop. 459 00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,059 I'm proud of you. 460 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,395 So long. Got to catch the 501. 461 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,521 He's getting away! 462 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:32,773 You blew it, Marge! 463 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:34,149 I don't think so. 464 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,943 -(fabric shredding) -Oh, foiled by my own 465 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:38,403 shoddy merchandise! 466 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,405 That's my ambulance. I called for it four hours ago. 467 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,909 -Marge, how did you know-- -That the pants would rip? 468 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,911 -No. What I was wondering-- -Years of buying pants 469 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:48,121 for two active children and a full-seated husband 470 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,707 has given me a sixth sense for shoddy stitching, 471 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,918 which these jeans have in spades. 472 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,419 That's some nice work, Simpson, 473 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,463 but we can't hold him-- there's no evidence. 474 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,799 Yes, there is. There's a garage full of counterfeit jeans. 475 00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,926 Uh, they've, uh, mysteriously disappeared. 476 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,261 (zippers zipping) 477 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,264 -Looking good, boys. -That's it. 478 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:07,724 There's too much corruption on this force. 479 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:08,934 I quit. 480 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:12,271 (raucous laughter) 481 00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:20,862 (sighs heavily) 482 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,406 Sorry to lose you, Simpson. 483 00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,950 (clock ticking) 484 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:26,827 I don't think they're coming back. 485 00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,370 Well, that does it. That does it. 486 00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:29,871 I'm looking at his cards. 487 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:31,999 Ah, crap. I fold. 488 00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:42,009 ♪♪ 489 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,887 Shh! 490 00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:32,309 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.