1 00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:06,506 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,219 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,262 (tires screeching) 4 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,098 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:18,101 -Aah! -(tires screeching) 6 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,037 Oh, damn F.D.A. Why can't it all be marshmallow? 7 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,956 Ew, Bart, don't put the non-marshmallow pieces 8 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,333 back in the box, they go in the trash. 9 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,794 Ooh, you like sweets, kids? 10 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,380 I know a place that's sweeter than sweetness itself. 11 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,757 In this sweet place, 12 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,759 earthly doughnuts are sour as poison. 13 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:54,304 You'd spit them out, you would. 14 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:59,434 I'm talking about the candy industry trade show. 15 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:00,852 How did you get tickets? 16 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,979 They hid them in every millionth Krusty Klump Bar 17 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,689 and Krusty Klump Bar with almonds. 18 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,863 Hey, Hey, Hey! 19 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,741 I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. 20 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,077 You leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again. 21 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,454 Can I come to the candy show? 22 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,748 -No! Me! Me! -Huh? Can I? 23 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,875 Sorry kids, but this is the one event 24 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,586 I want my darling wife by my side. 25 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:29,506 Oh, well, thank you, Homer, but take one of the kids. 26 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,008 Marge, they can't carry enough candy. 27 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,968 They have puny little muscles. 28 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:35,929 Not big, ropy ones like you. 29 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,222 (groans) 30 00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,058 You go, Mom, for the greater good. 31 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,434 For the greater good. 32 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:45,063 Homer, are all these pockets necessary? 33 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,024 They wouldn't be if you were willing to sit in a hollowed-out wheelchair. 34 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,150 (doorbell rings) 35 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,485 That's the baby-sitter. 36 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,779 No one in town will sit for you two anymore. 37 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,739 I had to choose between a grad student at the university 38 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,533 and a scary-looking hobo. 39 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:59,160 Please the hobo, please the hobo, please the hobo. 40 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,371 Hi. I'm Ashley Grant. 41 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,040 -(Bart groans) -(gasps) Ashley Grant! 42 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,042 You gave a talk on women's issues at my school 43 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,586 on how we don't have to be second-class citizens. 44 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,297 Mom, how can you leave us with this maniac? 45 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,925 Hurry, Marge! If we get there early, we can get our pictures taken 46 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,593 with the two surviving musketeers. 47 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,595 There's also a baby somewhere upstairs. 48 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,599 -(door slams) -So, you're one of those 49 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,310 "don't call me a chick" chicks, huh? 50 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,063 Sorry about my unenlightened brother. 51 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,899 He will make the next few hours a living hell. 52 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,109 Oh, I don't know. 53 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,778 See this, Bart? 54 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,738 Disemboweler IV. 55 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,782 The game where condemned criminals 56 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,909 dig at each other with rusty hooks. 57 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,828 Mm-hmm... Do a little housework, 58 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,204 and you can play for five minutes. 59 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,914 No way. 60 00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,001 Yes'm. 61 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,003 See, Lisa? Males aren't hard to tame. 62 00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,881 They all follow their video cartridges. 63 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,048 Ow. 64 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,434 MAN (on P.A.): Mr. Goodbar to the front desk. 65 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,312 The front desk is looking for Mr. Goodbar. 66 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:11,524 (gasps) I feel like a kid in some kind of a store. 67 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,277 Yeah! Ooh! 68 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,528 Great. 69 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,281 Exquisite. 70 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,574 Oh, you'll do well. 71 00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:21,618 Give me those. 72 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,913 As you can see, I have created a lemon ball so sour 73 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:28,625 it can only be safely contained in a magnetic field. 74 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:32,670 The candy, known as 77-X-42... 75 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,297 Where the hell is the candy? 76 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,423 (muffled) I don't know. 77 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:38,760 Hey, sir, try our wax lips. 78 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,428 It's the candy of 1,000 uses. 79 00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:41,846 Like what? 80 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,807 One, a humorous substitute for your own lips. 81 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,685 -Keep going. -Two, uh... 82 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,104 Ooh, I'm needed in the basement. 83 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:58,446 Hmm. 84 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,079 You're going to have to put some sugar 85 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:08,248 -on that celery or get out, ma'am. -(Marge groans) 86 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,791 (overlapping chatter) 87 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,046 Ooh, Gummi Bears, Gummi Calves' Heads, 88 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,631 Gummi Jaw Breakers. 89 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,634 (Homer gasps) 90 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:24,931 What's that? 91 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,350 That is the rarest Gummi of them all. 92 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,102 The Gummi Venus de Milo. 93 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,062 Carved by Gummi artisans 94 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:34,232 who work exclusively in the medium of Gummi. 95 00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,067 Will you two stop saying Gummi so much? 96 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,196 Must have rare Gummi. 97 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,864 Distract the salesman. 98 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,075 No, I won't make a spectacle out of myself any further. 99 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,913 Oh! Whoa! Oh! 100 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,498 How'd they get there? 101 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:51,582 (laughs nervously) 102 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,047 Now, this is going to take all my skill. 103 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,590 (chuckles) 104 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,134 (alarm wailing) 105 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:02,176 Halt, halt! 106 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,261 Run, Marge! 107 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,429 Save the booty! 108 00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,347 After him! He has the Gummi! 109 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:07,557 (all shouting) 110 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,822 See you in hell, candy boys! 111 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,956 Ahhhh! 112 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:36,127 (giggling) 113 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,004 Hey, Lise, I found a big caramel deposit 114 00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,005 at the small of her back. 115 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,173 I'm coming. 116 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,841 (giggling) 117 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,845 (laughing) 118 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:46,888 -Whoo! -Whoo! 119 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,056 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 120 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,182 Where's my Gummi de Milo? 121 00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,683 Okay, don't panic. 122 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,809 She can't have gotten far. 123 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,144 She has no arms. 124 00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:54,562 I'm sure it'll turn up. 125 00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:56,356 Take the baby-sitter home now. 126 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,316 She's been sitting in the car for 20 minutes. 127 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,318 Relax Marge, there's plenty for her to do in there. 128 00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,320 (horn honking) 129 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,614 See? She's having the time of her life. 130 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,493 So, a graduate student, huh? 131 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,036 How come you guys can go to the moon 132 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,662 but you can't make my shoes smell good? 133 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,998 -I'm sorry. -Ah, nobody's blaming you. 134 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,708 Hey, would you take the wheel for a second, 135 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,752 I have to scratch myself in two places at once. 136 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:19,587 Just drop me off here. 137 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:22,924 (gasps) 138 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,552 Precious Venus. 139 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:30,598 -(gasps) -(groaning) 140 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:31,933 -(screams) -(door slams) 141 00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:33,059 Thank you. 142 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,646 (sighs) 143 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:43,611 (groaning) 144 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,072 Hey, kids, lots of candy left for breakfast. 145 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,699 (both groaning) 146 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,993 Why don't we give it to some needy children then? 147 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:51,994 BOTH: No. 148 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,667 (crowd clamoring) 149 00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,002 Oh no, the candy conventioneers tracked us down. 150 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,966 There he is-- there's the man that sexually harassed me. 151 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:08,094 Oh, for a minute there, I thought I was in big trouble. 152 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,679 It's just a-- D'oh! 153 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:15,852 (crowd chanting) 2-4-6-8, Homer's crime was very great. 154 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,187 Great meaning large or immense. 155 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,731 We use it in the pejorative sense. 156 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,733 Marge, I swear I didn't touch her. 157 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,277 You know how bashful I am. 158 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,903 I can't even say the word "titmouse" 159 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,405 without giggling like a school girl. 160 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,824 (giggling) 161 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,826 At any rate, I believe you. 162 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,203 And I think you should go outside and straighten this out. 163 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,831 Some of their chants are very catchy and memorable. 164 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,668 You grabbed me in the car! 165 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:43,838 Oh that... no. I was just grabbing a Gummi Venus de Milo 166 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,506 that got stuck to your pants. 167 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,091 Yeah, right. 168 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,926 That's the oldest excuse in the book. 169 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,303 (booing) 170 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:52,263 Come on, I'm a decent guy. 171 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:54,849 (gasping) 172 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:55,808 (booing and hissing) 173 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,481 Why would anybody want to touch a girl's butt? 174 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,357 That's where cooties come from. 175 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,776 Dad, I don't understand. What is she saying you did? 176 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,405 Well Lisa, remember that postcard Grampa sent us from Florida 177 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,449 of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? 178 00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:14,410 Oh, yeah! That was brilliant! 179 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,829 That's right. We all thought it was hilarious, 180 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,998 but it turns out we were wrong. 181 00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,626 That alligator was sexually harassing that woman. 182 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,920 And the dog in the Coppertone ads? Same deal, Dad? 183 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,796 That's kind of a gray area. 184 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,423 We know you're innocent, Dad. 185 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,674 Thanks, kids. 186 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,092 They seem to be building 187 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,261 some sort of a shanty town. 188 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,060 (clamoring) 189 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,603 Do your worst, protesters. 190 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,356 You can't stop me from living my life. 191 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,358 No respect for women, no peace. 192 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,235 Just try to push the right buttons now. 193 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,612 We aren't crazy about nuclear power either! 194 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,656 You people aren't allowed in here. 195 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,658 It's okay. They're with me. 196 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,703 (booing and yelling) 197 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,834 They're ruining my whole life. 198 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,796 Marge, please, this is where I need you the most. 199 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,005 I'm counting on you to do something 200 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,799 or say something to make it all better. 201 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,842 Okay... go. 202 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,220 -Homer... -Uh-huh? 203 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:17,682 I already talked to the indignation coordinator out on the lawn today. 204 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:20,017 I told her you were a decent man, but she wouldn't listen. 205 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,727 Besides standing by you and supporting you, 206 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,104 there isn't anything more I can do. 207 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,273 You mean I'm on my own? 208 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:26,941 I've never been on my own. 209 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:28,943 Oh, no, on own... on own... 210 00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,988 I need help. Oh, God, help me. 211 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,489 Help me, God! 212 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,284 (phone ringing) 213 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,788 Ye-llo? 214 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:44,417 Hello, Homer. This is God... frey Jones 215 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,335 from the TV magazine show Rock Bottom. 216 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,462 We're aware of your problems, 217 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,840 and, Mr. Simpson, we want to help. 218 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,884 Mmm. I saw that report you did on Sasquatch. 219 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,429 It was fair and even-handed. 220 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:57,763 I'll do it! 221 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,599 Somebody had to take the baby-sitter home. 222 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,643 Then I noticed she was sitting on the Gummi Venus, 223 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,270 so I grabbed it off her. 224 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:08,399 Oh, just thinking about that sweet, sweet candy... 225 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,651 (gurgling) 226 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:14,447 I just wish I had another one right now. 227 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:15,865 But the most important thing is... 228 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,617 That was really great, Mr. Simpson. 229 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,035 We got everything we need. 230 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,746 Okay. Say, can you introduce me to the Sasquatch? 231 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,581 I like his style. 232 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,336 He-he! 233 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,255 Here comes the bouncing ball of justice! 234 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,965 Tonight on Rock Bottom, 235 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,594 we go undercover at a sex farm for sex hookers. 236 00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,930 I keep telling you, I just grow sorghum here. 237 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,849 Uh-huh, and where are the hookers? 238 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:44,435 Round back. Oops. 239 00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:45,978 But first... 240 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,063 She was a university honors student 241 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,814 who devoted her life to kids 242 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,816 until the night a grossly overweight pervert 243 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:55,237 named Homer Simpson gave her a crash course in depravity. 244 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,864 "Baby-sitter and the Beast." 245 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,783 Aw, crap! 246 00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,868 Somebody had to take the baby-sitter home. 247 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:03,829 Then I noticed she was sitting on her sweet can... 248 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,873 so I grabbed her sweet can. 249 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,334 Oh, just thinking about her can... 250 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:11,629 I just wish I had her sweet, sweet, s-s-sweet can. 251 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:14,799 So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can? 252 00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,801 What do you have to say in your defense? 253 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:22,306 Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. 254 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,517 No, Mr. Simpson. Don't take your anger out on me! 255 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,937 Get back! Get back! Mr. Simpson, no! 256 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,271 ANNOUNCER: Dramatization-- May not have happened. 257 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:35,653 Marge, kids, everything's going to be just fine. 258 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,280 Now go upstairs and pack your bags. 259 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,824 We're going to start a new life... 260 00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,492 under the sea. 261 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,704 (calypso music playing) 262 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,382 ♪ Under the sea ♪ 263 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,385 ♪ Under the sea ♪ 264 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,762 ♪ There'll be no accusations ♪ 265 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,806 ♪ Just friendly crustaceans ♪ 266 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,349 ♪ Under the sea ♪ 267 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:20,197 Homer, that's your solution to everything. To move under the sea. 268 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:22,074 It's not going to happen! 269 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,285 Not with that attitude. 270 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:26,328 Look, maybe this whole thing will blow over. 271 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,663 (helicopters approaching) 272 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,878 It didn't blow over, Marge. 273 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,671 Nothing ever blows over for me. 274 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,099 (humming) 275 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,350 (screams) 276 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,482 Simpson Scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent 277 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,443 which he believes gives him sexual powers. 278 00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,613 Hey, that's a half-truth! 279 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,698 I don't know Homer Simpson. 280 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,617 I never met Homer Simpson 281 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:09,497 or had any contact with him, but... 282 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,248 I'm sorry. I-I can't go on. 283 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,958 That's okay. 284 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,795 Your tears say more than real evidence ever could. 285 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:19,131 Today on Ben-- Mothers and runaway daughters 286 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:22,551 reunited by their hatred of Homer Simpson. 287 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,429 And here's your host, Gentle Ben. 288 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,556 (applause) 289 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,141 (growling) 290 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,521 I just have one thing to say-- 291 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,189 Let's have less Homer Simpsons 292 00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,191 and more money for public schools. 293 00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:38,859 (growling) 294 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,945 Ben, I have a question... 295 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,280 (growling) 296 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:44,824 No, Ben. No! 297 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,994 (all screaming) 298 00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:52,665 (tone sounds) 299 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,750 ♪♪ 300 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,545 ANNOUNCER: And now we return 301 00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,255 to Fox Night at the Movies-- 302 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,548 Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-Grabber. 303 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,341 starring Dennis Franz. 304 00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:06,720 Ooh! Portrait! Sounds classy. 305 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,264 Doesn't it? 306 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,976 (tires screeching) 307 00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:13,352 (maniacal laughter) 308 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,316 (yowls) 309 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,236 No, Mr. Simpson! A cat is a living creature. 310 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:23,821 I don't care. 311 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,197 -(tires screech) -(cat yowls) 312 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:31,078 Now, I'm gonna grab me somethin' sweet! 313 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:34,331 No, Mr. Simpson! That's sexual harassment. 314 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,917 If you keep it up, I'll yell so loud the whole country'll hear. 315 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,460 (laughing) 316 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,422 With a man in the White House? 317 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:42,673 Not likely. 318 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:43,841 (cackling) 319 00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:50,097 This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage 320 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,099 outside the Simpson Estate. 321 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,934 Remember, by the way, to tune in tonight at 8:00 322 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,686 for highlights of today's vigil 323 00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:57,354 including when the garbage man came 324 00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,607 and when Marge Simpson put the cat out... 325 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,941 possibly because it was harassed. 326 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,444 We don't know. 327 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,487 Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home 328 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,407 without some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. 329 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,492 So, let's turn it on. 330 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:13,996 Now, this technology is new to me, but I'm pretty sure 331 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,082 that's Homer Simpson in the oven rotating slowly. 332 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:20,377 His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees. 333 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,755 He's literally stewing in his own juices. 334 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:25,257 Now, here are some results from our phone-in poll. 335 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:28,802 95% of the people believe Homer Simpson is guilty. 336 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,055 Of course, this is just a television poll 337 00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:34,475 which is not legally binding, unless Proposition 304 passes, 338 00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,060 and we all pray it will. 339 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:39,521 Aw, I don't have a friend in the world. 340 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,315 (clamoring) 341 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:42,858 BARNEY: We're Homer's true friends! 342 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,568 Oh, really? 343 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,528 Come on. Let us through, you vultures. 344 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,573 Oh, Marge, it's a miracle. 345 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,408 How can you judge this man 346 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:54,370 without talking to the people who know him best? 347 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,372 We got the real dirt on Homer Simpson 348 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,666 and the bidding starts at 10 Gs! 349 00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,501 -I bid 10 Gs! -10-5 Gs! 350 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,294 -Fifteen! -Fifteen-five! 351 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,295 Oh... 352 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,047 I need a hug. 353 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,048 (murmuring) 354 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,804 How come you guys hesitated? 355 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:14,556 Sorry, Dad. We do believe in you. We really do. 356 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,433 It's just hard not to listen to TV. 357 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:17,643 It's spent so much more time 358 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:18,894 raising us than you have. 359 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,064 Oh... maybe TV is right. 360 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:23,857 TV's always right. 361 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:33,659 HOMER: Are you hugging the TV? 362 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:35,661 -BOTH: No. -(kisses TV loudly) 363 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:42,501 (audience cheering) 364 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:46,046 And the number one reference that I am running into the ground 365 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,341 is Homer Simpson! 366 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:50,968 (audience cheering) 367 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,850 Ay-yi-yi! Es Homer Simpson! 368 00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,811 Me ha molestado! Oh! 369 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,565 Ohh. I like it better when they're making fun 370 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,567 of people who aren't me. 371 00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,777 I know! Evening at the Improv. 372 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,405 They never talk about anything beyond the 1980s. 373 00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:13,157 See, I think about weird stuff. 374 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,744 Like, what would happen if E.T. and Mr. T. had a baby. 375 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,246 Well, you'd get Mr. E.T., wouldn't you? 376 00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:22,499 And you know, I think he'd sound a little something like this. 377 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,126 (as Mr. T.): I pity the fool who doesn't 378 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,004 phone home. 379 00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:30,340 (chuckles) Ooh, I wouldn't want to be Mr. T. right now. 380 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,593 Homer, the kids have a great idea 381 00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:33,927 how you can clear your name! 382 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,055 The media is making a monster out of you 383 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:37,431 because they don't care about the truth. 384 00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:39,224 All they care about is entertainment. 385 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,060 Well, you need a forum where they don't even know 386 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,936 the meaning of the word entertainment. 387 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,855 Public Access television. 388 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,690 Aw, but those shows all look so crummy. 389 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,609 Well, we can dress it up a bit. 390 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,737 We can bring a fern, and a folding chair from the garage 391 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,990 and the most decorative thing of all-- the truth. 392 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,793 There are only 49 stars on that flag. 393 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:08,045 I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground 394 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,963 before I recognize Missouri. 395 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:17,346 Now it's time for the Innocence Report, with Homer Simpson. 396 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,391 Hello. I am Homer Simpson, 397 00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:25,020 or as some of you wags have dubbed me, "Father Goose." 398 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:29,274 You know, everybody believed the worst about me right away. 399 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,610 Nobody cares that I didn't do it. 400 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,403 But I didn't. 401 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,864 Okay, look, I've done some bad things in my life, 402 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,076 but harassing women is not one of them. 403 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,995 Like one time we were having this race 404 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,915 with this stupid old-timey bicycle with the big wheel in front. 405 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,501 So I figure, "We'll see about that." 406 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:50,838 so I get this big chunk of cinder block, and I-- 407 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,549 -(groaning) -Oh, got to go. 408 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,008 Innocent. 409 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,008 Innocent. 410 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,095 Dad, you did it. I am so proud of you. 411 00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,680 The switchboards are lighting up! 412 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,014 ALL: Yay! 413 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,307 Two calls. 414 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,226 That's our best ever! 415 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,145 Hello? No, Janice doesn't live here. 416 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,521 Hello? 417 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,982 Yes, I am interested in long-distance savings. 418 00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:11,942 Very interested. 419 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,777 (all groaning) 420 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,781 Marge, this is so depressing. 421 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:21,243 My only hope is this homemade Prozac. 422 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,954 Mmm... needs more ice cream. 423 00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:25,038 (doorbell rings) 424 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,252 So, uh, you don't like the old-time bikes, huh? 425 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,670 (groans) 426 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,300 (doorbell rings) 427 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,886 Homer, I love amateur video. 428 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,681 And your show is the most amateur video I ever saw. 429 00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:46,476 My hobby is secretly videotaping couples and gals. 430 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,646 I dare not come forward, because in this country 431 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,274 it makes you look like a pervert! 432 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:55,903 But every single Scottish person does it! 433 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:58,906 Oh, baby. 434 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,616 Oh, yeah. Oh, baby. 435 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,576 Oh, no. That's Mayor Quimby. 436 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,204 Ah. Here we go. 437 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,789 Precious Venus. 438 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,874 (gasps) 439 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,417 (gurgling) 440 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,543 (screams) 441 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:12,628 Thank you. 442 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,838 (chomping) 443 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,381 (sighing) 444 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,884 Dad, this clears you completely! 445 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,761 You know the courts might not work anymore, 446 00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:24,014 but as long as everybody is videotaping everyone else, 447 00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:25,682 justice will be done. 448 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,228 See? 449 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,730 Hmm. Homer, I thought you were an animal, 450 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,732 but your daughter said you were a decent man. 451 00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:35,359 I guess she was right. 452 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,569 You're both right. 453 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,865 In our mad pursuit of the scoop, 454 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:45,369 we members of the press sometimes make mistakes. 455 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,454 Rock Bottom would like to make the following corrections. 456 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,585 Wow! V-8 juice isn't one-eighth gasoline. 457 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,421 And Ted Koppel is a robot. 458 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:57,756 There's you, Dad! 459 00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,216 ALL: Yay! 460 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,260 Tomorrow, on Rock Bottom... 461 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:03,512 He's a foreigner who takes perverted videos of you 462 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,681 when you least suspect it. 463 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,349 He's Rowdy Roddy Peeper. 464 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,020 That man is sick! 465 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,939 Groundskeeper Willie saved you, Homer. 466 00:21:14,022 --> 00:21:16,316 But listen to the music. He's evil. 467 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,985 Hasn't this experience taught you 468 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,903 you can't believe everything you hear? 469 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:24,574 Marge, my friend, I haven't learned a thing. 470 00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:26,118 (all grumbling) 471 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,418 Let's never fight again. Aw... 472 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:43,093 ♪♪ 473 00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:27,429 Shh. 474 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,894 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.