1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,969 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,598 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,726 -Ahh! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:37,454 Ah, is there nothing so intoxicating 6 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,581 as the school hallway at early morn? 7 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,082 (sniffing) 8 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:44,252 Hm. School normally doesn't smell so rank. 9 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:45,420 (sniffing) 10 00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,964 Ah, washbasin fresh. 11 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,091 That funk must be coming from one of the classrooms. 12 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,220 Ugh! 13 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,722 Ah, poor fellow. 14 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,557 Crushed by his own water bottle. 15 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,519 (laughing) 16 00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:02,771 (knocking) 17 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,023 Willie, sometime over the holiday weekend 18 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,983 the beloved grade four gerbil, uh... 19 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,860 Super Dude, lost his life. 20 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,487 I need you to air out the classroom and give 21 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,488 Super Dude a proper burial. 22 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,156 Gah! 23 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,203 Yeah, you're lucky you're getting a decent burial. 24 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,455 Me own father got thrown in the bog. 25 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,836 What in the name of Saint Ephisiocritus? 26 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,463 (rumbling) 27 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,965 (yells) 28 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,971 Yuck, what reeks? 29 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,182 Smells like one of Van Houten's. 30 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,725 It does not. 31 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,185 (rumbling) 32 00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:47,524 Miss Hoover, the floor is shaking. 33 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,068 Ralph, remember the time you thought the-- 34 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:51,027 (yells) 35 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,407 Now, before we adjourn, gentlemen, I have 36 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,701 one last matter of utmost importance. 37 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,411 I need to send this parcel 38 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,747 with the profit projections to Pete Porter in Pasadena 39 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,791 and it absolutely positively 40 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:07,919 has to be there overnight. 41 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:10,171 -Pete Porter. Pass it on. -Pasadena, promptly. 42 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,006 Package to parcel processing, pronto. 43 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,634 Profoundly pressing package of power plant profit projections 44 00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:15,677 for Pete Porter in Pasadena. 45 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,470 -Priority? -Precisely. 46 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,646 Hmm? (growls) 47 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,107 (panting) 48 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,317 Here's your package, Mr. Burns! 49 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,069 (sputtering) 50 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,197 My name is the return address, you senseless dunderpate. 51 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,908 Smithers, who is this nincompoop? 52 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,618 I've worked here for ten years 53 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,328 and my boss doesn't even know my name. 54 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,664 Well, that's going to change right now! 55 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,457 My name is Homer J. Simp-- 56 00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,042 Ow! Son. 57 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,336 Hmm, sounded large when I ordered it. 58 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,339 I can't make hide nor hair of these metric booby traps. 59 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,259 My Lord! 60 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:57,886 Such destruction. 61 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:01,014 Superintendent Chalmers! 62 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,057 -How are you going? -Why is it when I heard 63 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,101 the word "school" And the word "exploded" 64 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,604 I immediately thought of the word "Skinner"! 65 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,564 (stammering) 66 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:11,399 MAN: Congratulations, gentlemen, your custodian struck oil. 67 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,193 You're standing on top of the richest elementary school 68 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,153 in the state. 69 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,362 He also found this. 70 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,782 Thank you, Super Dude. 71 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,202 (grunts) 72 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:28,333 (shudders) 73 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:29,876 A non-profit organization with oil?! 74 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,377 I won't allow it. 75 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,004 An oil well doesn't belong in the hands 76 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,965 of Betsy Bleedingheart and Maynard G. Muskeyvote. 77 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,135 (panting) Sir, have you had enough 78 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,930 exercise for this morning? 79 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,848 No. 80 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,309 Let's go another 20 miles. 81 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,435 Oh... 82 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,813 (pinballs rattling) 83 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,612 Hello, Lenny, Carl, Guillermo. 84 00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:58,988 Hello, uh... 85 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,700 Oh, um, um... 86 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,327 Don't take it so hard, Homer. 87 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,746 He's always screwing up people's names. 88 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,706 Yeah, at the picnic he thought my son Renaldo 89 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:09,791 was my son Rolando. 90 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:10,792 Can you believe that? 91 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,422 Superintendent, we made the front page today. 92 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,927 Ah... What's that say under your hand there? 93 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,929 Hm? Oh! It's an unrelated article. 94 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,138 It's an unrelated article? 95 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,808 Within the banner headline? 96 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,185 Yes. Now to redirect our conversation slightly, 97 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,229 I had a few ideas on how to spend this oil money. 98 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,939 Well, we could give each student 99 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:34,357 a full college scholarship. 100 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,317 (laughing) 101 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:44,367 Oh, mercy... 102 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,286 Seriously, though, before we draw up the budget 103 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,996 I believe the students and faculty have 104 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,289 a few suggestions. 105 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,083 I want a crystal bucket for my slopwater. 106 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:54,544 Oh, and a brand new filthy blanket. 107 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,964 The cafeteria staff 108 00:04:58,047 --> 00:05:00,508 is complaining about the mice in the kitchen. 109 00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,218 I want to hire a new staff. 110 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,514 I'd like to start a jazz program for the music department. 111 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,683 We've got a really great instructor lined up. 112 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:12,520 BOTH: Tito Puente! 113 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,107 He's ready to give up the drudgery 114 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:17,650 of the professional mambo circuit 115 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,610 and settle into a nice teaching job. 116 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:22,280 Man, it would be my pleasure! 117 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,240 Lisa has told me all your students 118 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,784 are as bright and dedicated to jazz as she is. 119 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:27,910 Mm-hm, mmm, mmm... 120 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,078 Let's go now, Mr. Puente. 121 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,874 RALPH: Chocolate microscopes. 122 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:34,834 OTTO: You know those guitars that are, like, 123 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,461 double guitars, you know? 124 00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,171 SKINNER: More rubber stamps. 125 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,006 (buzzing) 126 00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,674 SMITHERS: Principal Skinner, this is your secretary. 127 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,009 There is one last student here to see you. 128 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,178 That's odd. I don't have a secretary 129 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,388 or an intercom, but send him in. 130 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,515 Ahoy, there, Dean. 131 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,601 I understand you're taking suggestions from students, eh? 132 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:55,021 (groans) 133 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,606 Well, me and my fourth form chums 134 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,399 think it would be quite corking 135 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,110 if you'd sign over your oil well to the local energy concern. 136 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,654 -(clears throat) Mr. Burns... -(gasps) 137 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,698 It was naive of you to think I would mistake 138 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,409 this town's most prominent 104-year-old man 139 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,744 for one of my elementary school students. 140 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,537 I want that oil well. 141 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,414 I've got a monopoly to maintain. 142 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,124 I own the electric company and the water works 143 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,959 plus the hotel on Baltic Avenue. 144 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,087 That hotel's a dump, and your monopoly's pathetic. 145 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,547 The school's oil well is not for sale 146 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,966 particularly to a black-hearted scoundrel like yourself! 147 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,676 I see. 148 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,471 Then I'll just have to... attack you! 149 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,474 I must have that oil. 150 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:32,809 (groans) 151 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,060 (panting) 152 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,853 Smithers, help me subdue this... 153 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,230 beast. 154 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,898 Sorry, sir, this is all I could find. 155 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,149 Take that! And that! 156 00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:42,902 Please don't waste those. 157 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,076 I'm happy for the school. 158 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,536 It sounds like this money is gonna provide 159 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,121 a lot of new opportunities. 160 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,789 Big deal. 161 00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,582 They didn't approve my idea. They said it was unfeasible. 162 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,210 It is unfeasible to resurrect the dead, Bart, 163 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,087 and even if the Three Stooges were alive 164 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,755 I doubt they'd want to hang around with you. 165 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,257 Oh, yeah. I guess they'd probably want to be 166 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,008 with their families or something, huh? 167 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,844 Oh, I hate my job. 168 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,554 I mean, what's the point when your boss 169 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,013 doesn't even remember your name? 170 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,724 -I have an idea. -What? What's your idea? 171 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,810 When my father was first trying to catch my mother's eye 172 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:18,354 he sent her a box of candy with his photo in it. 173 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,481 After that, she never forgot him. 174 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,191 That's all well and good 175 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,027 but it's not really your idea, is it now, Marge? 176 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,779 That's it. 177 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,198 Fumble about with your widgets and do-bobs. 178 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,284 It'll all be a monument to futility 179 00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:33,494 when my plan comes to fruition. 180 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,455 Sir, uh... 181 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:36,914 what I'm about to say violates 182 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,416 every sycophantic urge in my body 183 00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,209 but I wish you would reconsider. 184 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,170 This isn't a rival company you're battling with. 185 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,172 It's a school. People won't stand for it. 186 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,590 Pish-posh. 187 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:48,009 It will be like taking candy from a baby. 188 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,303 Say, that sounds like a larf. 189 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:52,096 Let's try it right now. 190 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,433 There's some candy right here, sir. 191 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,643 Why don't we eat this instead of stealing? 192 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,270 Oh, very well. 193 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,106 Mm. 194 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,068 Look, there's a photo in here. 195 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,863 BURNS: Mmm, Yes. I believe that's little 196 00:08:08,946 --> 00:08:10,239 Maggie Simpson, the baby who found 197 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,074 my precious teddy bear, Bobo. 198 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,784 Oh, and that Simpson mutt. 199 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,120 My former guard dog. 200 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:19,165 Ooh, and that's Bart Simpson. 201 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:20,917 He was my heir for a brief period, you know? 202 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,710 Yes, sir. I remember. 203 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:27,798 Anything left? 204 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,468 Uh... only the sour quince log, sir. 205 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,222 Ew. Dispose of it. 206 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:36,265 And send a thank you note 207 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,602 to Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie Simpson. 208 00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,152 SKINNER: Today Springfield Elementary embarks on a new era-- 209 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,946 An era of unbridled spending 210 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,614 where petrodollars will fuel 211 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,616 our wildest educational fantasies. 212 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:57,036 These young minds will enjoy every academic advantage 213 00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:59,205 till they enter Springfield High School 214 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,373 which has no oil well. 215 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,250 We got an air hockey table. 216 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,460 Fine. Now to switch on our oil pump 217 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,462 for the very first time, 218 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,298 here's our top student, Lisa Simpson. 219 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,341 -(scattered applause) -JIMBO: Nerd! 220 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:13,594 (gasping) 221 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,138 (rumbling) 222 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,392 There's no pressure! 223 00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,519 Someone else has tapped this well. 224 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:22,562 Ay caramba! 225 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,698 Ah... 226 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,283 Soon that mighty apparatus 227 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,702 will burst forth with its precious fluid. 228 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,412 Almost sexual, isn't it, Smithers? 229 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,163 Meh. Huh? 230 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,331 (rumbling) 231 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,041 Oil ho! 232 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,086 Huzzah! 233 00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:52,466 Huh? 234 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,010 Whoa! 235 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:05,605 (whimpers) 236 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,733 (groaning) 237 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,573 Holy Christmas! 238 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:21,912 Your dog's condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky. 239 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,539 And he's free to go. 240 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,333 His legs should be as good as new in a few months. 241 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,834 In the meantime, he'll have to use 242 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,086 the wheelabout. 243 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,547 I'll get even with whoever did this to you, boy. 244 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,590 I swear it. 245 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,300 Whoops. Almost forgot. 246 00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:36,844 Wouldn't want you gnawing on those casts, eh, boy? 247 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:37,970 Ha ha! 248 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,890 (squawks) Ha ha. 249 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,725 I'm afraid we've got no legal recourse 250 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,727 against Mr. Burns and his slant drilling operation. 251 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,104 The oil belongs to whoever pumped it first. 252 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,190 What about all the expensive stuff we wanted? 253 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,941 -Can we still have it? -No. 254 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,818 (all chattering) 255 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,320 -Blast it! -In fact, 256 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,238 to pay for the construction and operation 257 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,865 and demolition of our new derrick 258 00:10:57,948 --> 00:10:59,033 the school will have to eliminate 259 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,076 all nonessential programs-- 260 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,535 -Music-- -What? 261 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,912 And maintenance. 262 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:06,707 (growls) I'll kill that Mr. Burns! 263 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:10,711 And... wound that Mr. Smithers. 264 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,171 Guh, out of my way! 265 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:15,007 Oh, no, that's awful, Mr. Puente. 266 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,175 What? 267 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,136 Oh. He owns the nuclear power plant. 268 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,264 Yeah, I'd like to settle his hash too. 269 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,725 Dad, how can you work for a man like Mr. Burns? 270 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:26,185 Well, he's not all bad. 271 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,020 He did send me this nice thank-you card. 272 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,106 "Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie." 273 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,983 Dad, this doesn't have your name on it. 274 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:39,198 Kids, would you step outside for a second? 275 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,076 F-- 276 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:43,160 (organ playing) 277 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,916 Dear Lord, that's the loudest profanity I've ever heard. 278 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,713 These fumes aren't as fun as beer. 279 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,381 Sure, I'm all dizzy and nauseous 280 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:58,592 but where's the inflated sense of self-esteem? 281 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,344 (gasping) 282 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,722 (stammering) 283 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,932 Hey, if you guys are getting loaded off them fumes, 284 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:06,642 I'm gonna have to charge you. 285 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,645 Man alive, there are men alive in here. 286 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,565 I'm detecting over 20 different toxins in the air. 287 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,566 (belches) 288 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:15,067 (rapid beeping) 289 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,610 All right, everybody out. 290 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,738 As long as Burns is pumping oil, this bar is closed. 291 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,281 Damn Burns. 292 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,616 Let me just get one thing. 293 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,286 Me, too. 294 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,955 Ah... 295 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,458 Now there's the inflated sense of self-esteem. 296 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:36,088 (rumbling) 297 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,387 Earthquake! 298 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,560 GRANDPA: Nurse. 299 00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:50,561 WOMAN: Nurse. MAN: Nurse! 300 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:01,572 Well, sir, you've certainly vanquished all your enemies-- 301 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:02,907 the elementary school, the local tavern 302 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,200 the old age home. 303 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,368 You must be very proud. 304 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,912 No, not while my greatest nemesis 305 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:09,580 still provides our customers 306 00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:11,999 with free light, heat and energy. 307 00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:15,961 I call this enemy the sun. 308 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,056 Since the beginning of time 309 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,265 man has yearned to destroy the sun. 310 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,267 I will do the next best thing-- 311 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,102 block it out. 312 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,567 Good God! 313 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,236 Imagine it, Smithers. 314 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:43,113 Electrical lights and heaters running all day long. 315 00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,866 But sir, every plant and tree will die. 316 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:48,035 Owls will deafen us with incessant hooting. 317 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:49,829 The town sundial will be useless. 318 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,748 I don't want any part of this project. 319 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,543 It's unconscionably fiendish. 320 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,211 I will not suffer your insubordination! 321 00:13:57,294 --> 00:13:58,754 There has been a shocking decline 322 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,131 in the quality and quantity of your toadying, Wayland. 323 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,633 And you will fall into line. 324 00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:04,134 Now! 325 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:06,387 No. No, Monty, I won't. 326 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:09,557 Not until you step back from the brink of insanity. 327 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,725 I'll do no such thing. 328 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,352 You're fired. 329 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,525 (evil laughter) 330 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:20,860 Take that, Bowlarama. 331 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,319 Take that, convenience mart. 332 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:25,155 Take that, nuclear power pl-- 333 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,490 Oh, fiddlesticks. 334 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,249 I must say Mr. Burns is being awfully inconsiderate. 335 00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:37,084 Selfish even. 336 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:40,880 Burns needs some serious boost-a-fazoo right, Dad? 337 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:41,881 Dad? 338 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,340 Homer! 339 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,801 ALL: Ahh! 340 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,011 Sorry, Grandpa. It's just that for a second, 341 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,804 it looked like Dad had melted. 342 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,848 Well, get used to it, 'cause I'm living here now. 343 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:53,058 I ain't going back to the retirement home 344 00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:56,061 until they fish my bed out of that sinkhole. 345 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,771 Strained carrots for Maggie. 346 00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,231 Strained carrots for Grandpa. 347 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,649 I want a bib, too. 348 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:03,819 Smithers, who is that ignoramus? 349 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,362 Smithers, who is that lallygagger? 350 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,239 Who is that blubber pot? 351 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,699 Who is that baffle wit? 352 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:09,950 Lummox, puddinghead, limp noodle. 353 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,118 Drizzlepuss. Fumbleface. 354 00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:12,953 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 355 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,496 Look out! 356 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,664 What? (screams) 357 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:20,669 Just a minute. 358 00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:29,178 -(hissing) -(laughing) 359 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,141 Who the devil are you? 360 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,354 Homer Simpson. 361 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:39,772 What are you talking about? Make sense, man. 362 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,357 Homer Simpson! Shut up! 363 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,275 I can't understand a word you're saying. 364 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,276 -Homer Simpson! -You're just babbling incoherently. 365 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,195 My name is Homer Simpson! 366 00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:47,988 Oh, you're a dead man, Burns. Oh, you're dead. 367 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,490 You're dead, Burns! 368 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,952 Hey, the lamp's running away. 369 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,411 That's my dog, man. 370 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,038 So long, lamp. 371 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,874 Now, stop loafing and help your grandpa unpack. 372 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:01,919 Wow! 373 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,505 That's my old Smith & Wesson. 374 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:05,798 If you're going to play with it 375 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:06,882 be careful 'cause it's loaded. 376 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,801 Aah! Bart, put that down! 377 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,511 Guns are very dangerous. 378 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:11,929 And I won't have them in this house. 379 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:15,015 How can you have a house without a gun? 380 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,142 What if a bear came through the door? 381 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,853 I'm going to bury it in the yard 382 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,689 where little hands can't get to it. 383 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,899 You should have fired into the air. 384 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:24,984 She would have run off. 385 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,152 (people chattering) 386 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,863 People, take it easy. 387 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,032 We're all upset about Mr. Burns' plan 388 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,659 to block out our sun. 389 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:36,495 It is time for decisive action. 390 00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:38,580 I have here a polite but firm letter 391 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,207 to Mr. Burns' underlings 392 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:43,836 who, with some cajoling, will pass it along to him 393 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,879 or at least give him the gist of it. 394 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,715 (whispering) Sir, a lot of people are stroking guns. 395 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,466 Also, it has been brought to my attention 396 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,468 that a number of you are stroking guns. 397 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,971 Therefore, I will step aside and open up the floor. 398 00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:57,474 Mr. Burns was the closest thing I ever had to a... 399 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,184 friend. (sniffles) 400 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,269 But he fired me. 401 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,895 And now I spend my days 402 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,773 drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central. 403 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,150 Oh, dear God. 404 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,152 It's not that bad. 405 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,112 I never miss "Pardon My Zinger." 406 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,948 Burns cost me my groundskeeping job at the school 407 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:16,535 and I'm too superstitious to take the one at the cemetery. 408 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:20,247 'Cause of him, I lost my room, my things, 409 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,667 and my buddy's collection of old sunbathing magazines. 410 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,044 You bastard. 411 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,462 I lost my bar! 412 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:27,963 I lost his bar! 413 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,965 He robbed the school of music! 414 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,633 He robbed the school of financial security! 415 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,052 He robbed the school of Tito! 416 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,595 He can't remember my name! 417 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:37,222 He's causing us all to yell! 418 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,141 Look what he did to my best friend. 419 00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,018 -(gasping) -Wha--? 420 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,770 No. My dog. 421 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,438 (wheels squeaking) 422 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,069 -(Burns laughing) -(gasping) 423 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:52,863 Oh, those wheels are squeaking a bit. 424 00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:55,074 Perhaps I could sell him a little oil. 425 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,909 (growling) 426 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,036 You twisted old monster! 427 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,997 Mm-mm-mm. 428 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,708 I've decided to protect myself 429 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,210 ever since I was attacked in my office 430 00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,461 by an unidentified assailant. 431 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,296 HOMER: D'oh! 432 00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,715 Arr! Burns, your scurvy schemes 433 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,885 will earn ye a one-way passage to the boneyard. 434 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,262 I'd like to hear from Sideshow Mel. 435 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,681 I'll see to it that Mr. Burns suffers 436 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:23,102 the infernal machinations of hell's grim tyrant. 437 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,353 Yeah. 438 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,105 Ooh, you all talk big 439 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:30,109 but who here has the guts to stop me? 440 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,486 (murmuring) 441 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,990 Mm-hmm. Very well. 442 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,575 One last question-- 443 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:42,996 Have you ever seen the sun set at 3 p.m.? 444 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,416 Ay. Once, when I was sailing around the arctic-- 445 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,876 Shut up, you. 446 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,046 Take one last look at the sun, Springfield. 447 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:58,220 (people gasping) 448 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,265 (laughing) 449 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,731 (laughing) 450 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,444 Hey, hey! (laughs) 451 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,363 I've been in Reno for six weeks. 452 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,781 Did I miss anything? 453 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:18,991 What the-- 454 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,367 Ohh... 455 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,162 Eternal darkness. 456 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,580 Well, that's just great. 457 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,624 Listen, someone's got to get that Mr. Burns. 458 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:31,128 Where's a gun-toting lowlife when you need one? 459 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,546 Sorry. I was in the can. 460 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,258 (sighs) 461 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,385 Perpetual twilight 462 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:41,305 bathed in the glow of Burns' brand electricity. 463 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,183 Hello, lamppost. 464 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,642 What you knowing? 465 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,270 I've come to watch your power flowing. 466 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,359 That's odd. Mr. Smithers left his jacket behind. 467 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:57,154 (whistling) 468 00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,697 Whoa, that's odd. 469 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,324 Principal Skinner left his mother behind. 470 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,540 That's odd. 471 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,585 Where's Homer and Bart and Lisa and Grandpa? 472 00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:12,920 (humming) 473 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,051 After all these years 474 00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:21,345 things are finally starting to go my way. 475 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,055 I feel like celebrating. 476 00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,474 I-- Oh, it's you. 477 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,767 What are you so happy about? 478 00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:27,851 (gasping) 479 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,102 I see. 480 00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,063 Well, I think you'd better drop it. 481 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,481 I said drop it! 482 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:35,525 (grunting) 483 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,944 Get your hands off... 484 00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,029 (grunting) 485 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,572 Where is everybody? 486 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:41,782 (gunshot) 487 00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,575 (groaning) 488 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,826 (gasps) 489 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:48,747 Hey, man, are you okay? 490 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:51,208 I won't... 491 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:52,334 dignify that... 492 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,710 with a response. 493 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,215 Mr. Burns has been shot. 494 00:20:58,298 --> 00:20:59,883 Just a minute. 495 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:02,386 This isn't Mr. Burns at all. 496 00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:03,762 It's a mask. 497 00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:09,309 Wait. It is Burns. 498 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,603 His wrinkly skin looks like a mask. 499 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,563 I don't think we'll ever know who did this. 500 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:16,275 Everyone in town's a suspect. 501 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:27,327 Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. 502 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:29,579 Can you? 503 00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:33,417 Yeah, I'll give it a shot. 504 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,502 I mean, you know, it's my job, right? 505 00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,471 ♪♪ 506 00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:30,057 Shh! 507 00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,268 (gunshot) 508 00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:36,229 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.